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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29096229">A Fool's Guide to Fall in Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/higayimdad/pseuds/higayimdad'>higayimdad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And loves him, Best Friends Choi Beomgyu &amp; Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin-Centric, Choi Yeonjun is in Love, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Happy Ending, I'm gonna make this bitch so romantic, Inspired by Poetry, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstood Choi Soobin, Occasionally Dialogue Heavy, Ofc cuz what else, Sad Choi Soobin, Smoking, Soft Choi Yeonjun, Soobin has a bad relationship with his parents, Underage Smoking, Yeonjun understands him, except, life sucks, so in love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:53:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29096229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/higayimdad/pseuds/higayimdad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you know what “木漏れ日” means? <i>“Komorebi”</i>, it’s Japanese.” Yeonjun whispered, his lips were all too close to Soobin’s ears.<br/>“No.”<br/>“Komorebi is the sunshine that filters and streams through the leaves of the trees.” </p><p>or;</p><p>Soobin believes he is an open book, written in a language no one understands. </p><p>This is until he meets Yeonjun.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>159</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> “Woah, a B, that’s not...bad.” </em>Soobin remembers his mom saying. He still remembers that her voice wasn’t filled with the pride he had imagined, and she didn’t tape the test to the fridge - like she did with his siblings. Only the A’s got up there, and Soobin didn’t get A’s. </p><p> </p><p>Hindsight is a fun concept; it’s very easy to see once you no longer live in the moment where everything went wrong. </p><p> </p><p>So where did it go wrong? </p><p> </p><p>When Soobin joined the soccer team when he was 12, perhaps? The goal in mind wasn’t to get a hobby or friends, not even to become healthier and get out - no the goal was to become the <em> best. </em> Not something bad in itself, but Soobin only wanted to become best so he could pass his brother. He was tired of hearing it all the time; <em> “He’s Soogeun’s brother - he must be good!” </em> and even worse <em> “I thought he would be better,” </em> after a game where Soobin hadn’t passed a single ball successfully. So he quit. He’d <em>never </em>be better than his brother. </p><p> </p><p>When he quit art, when he was only 13? It wasn’t his favorite subject in school, but his father enrolled him in after school classes with hopes of the little bit of talent he had would blossom into something great. It was peaceful to paint, Soobin used to think. Maybe he would blossom, if his sisters didn’t before him. The portraits that soon hung on the walls next to soccer medals and school diplomas were all signed by Choi Siyeon. It was obvious his art would never surpass his sister, <em> never.  </em></p><p> </p><p>No, it wasn’t until he turned 15 and began high school. He had never been a very social person, always shying away from pointless interaction with people he didn’t know, always turning down opportunities to meet with the very few friends he had if more than 5 people were involved, always the loner at the back of the class or the one sitting by himself at lunch. Whatever. But Soobin remembers sitting down in class the second day of his freshman year, and the very first thing anyone said to him was. <em> “Hey! You are Shinhye’s brother right?” </em>Shinhye, Shinhye, Shinhye! The very embodiment of the perfect being Soobin was expected to be, but could never reach. Because how could he? She was a senior when Soobin was a freshman, she was expected to graduate valedictorian (and ended up doing so too), she was friends with the entire school and their mamas. She was charming, hilarious, and beautiful, her boyfriend was soccer captain and he was equally as popular and smart as her. She was the main character everyone wanted to be, but couldn’t. Especially not Soobin. </p><p> </p><p>It went wrong when Soobin wanted to be understood. He wanted to sit down with his parents and complain how life was unfair, he wanted them to pat him on his back or kiss his forehead; tell him they’d do anything to ease life a little bit, that they’d be there for him no matter what. </p><p> </p><p><em> “Study harder! Shinhye-yah can do it, why can’t you?” </em>They said all the time, instead.</p><p> </p><p>When they introduced Soobin and his siblings to new people, or old friends they’d go through them all. <em> “Soogeun’s the best in his team, he’s made it to professional level now! Siyeon got accepted to an art school in Jeju last year! Shinhye graduated top of her class, she’s beginning med school this fall! Soobin-” </em>and they always had to stop when they got to Soobin, suck in a panicked breath - because what was special about Soobin? </p><p> </p><p><em> “We are gonna have to call your parents Mr. Choi.” </em> His homeroom teacher made him stay back in class. They <em>finally </em>caught him smoking, he’d always stand close enough to the school, never out of sight from the teachers, like, you know he <em>wanted </em>someone to catch him. Maybe if his parents found out he smoked they’d throw him in therapy believing something was terribly wrong with him, or maybe they’d just sit him down and he’d get to open up the gates to his heart and let it all out. Maybe once they knew he smoked they’d pick up on all the other small signs Soobin was showing, that he thought they’d understand meant something wasn’t right. </p><p> </p><p>Instead, they shook their heads and smacked him on the hands with a ruler, they grounded him and took the packet, and threw it in the trash. They were <em>just </em>disappointed, and he realized, now in hindsight, that he’d just given them another reason to believe he was lesser than his siblings like he already thought of himself. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin lived his teen years waiting for someone to understand him. He’d always been open with himself, at least he thought so of himself. Like an open book - an open book written in a language so alien no one could make sense of the words. </p><p> </p><p>Until the day he moved from home he bought a new pack of cigarettes every week, he made sure he stood close enough to the school so his teachers would see him. Every week until he moved out they would call Soobin’s parents, and they would, in turn, smack him on the knuckles and shake their heads. They would mutter things like <em> “where did things go wrong?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>In hindsight, Soobin thought, it went wrong when he realized he’d never be better than his siblings, it went wrong when he realized he’d never be the favorite or the one his parents would be the proudest of. Maybe it <em>all </em>went wrong when he started assuming people only wanted to be his friend because of his siblings, even if this wasn't always the case, or when he quit hobbies he genuinely enjoyed because he didn't see the point unless he was the <em>best,</em> unless he was <em>better</em> than his siblings.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it was when he decided that smoking or acting out in secret would be the only things that could get his parent's attention, all in the name of thinking that would give them a reason to try and <em>understand </em>him. Was that it? It went wrong because Soobin wanted to be understood?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*checks notebook* "huh, its been 4 months since i posted anything yeonbin related. scandalous. let's begin a multi chaptered au"</p><p> <br/>and you may think; <i>"no!! don't make soobin a smoker!! please!!! just let him be healthy!!" </i> smirks. no. it's called projecting myself into writing (but dw, it's not gonna be a major theme at all, just mentioned every now and again, I'm sorry lolz if that annoys you). also its 2am this has not been proofread more than 0,5 times, ill post the first real chapter tomorrow when i wake up yawns okay, hope you had a good read and look forward to the rest of it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Step 1: Meet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Buy me soda hyung! Grape soda!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The small bell above the door rang, the sound was familiar to Soobin - yet somehow not familiar enough to not startle him every time he heard it. He looked up from his phone behind the counter, he cleared his throat; as if to not let the customers coming through the door know that he hadn’t spoken to anyone in 40 minutes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good evening,” he said, and watched as one boy entered the store, followed by two more people. They only nodded at him, before quickly grabbing a basket. Soobin heard the tallest of them beg for more snacks along the way. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Popcorn! We haven’t had popcorn in ages!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin was slightly relieved they were his age; they would probably not expect Soobin to be overly polite and smiley, like many of the older customers expected of him. No - Soobin could hunch his back again, he could stare into nothing and frown while the three guys went around the small aisles laughing and talking way too loud, he could practically pretend they didn’t exist. Although it was hard, they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>loud, Soobin’s head throbbed, maybe he’d actually trade having to bear through this much screaming at 2 am to be polite to old ladies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello!” The one in the middle said, as he placed the basket in front of Soobin. Soobin greeted him back, with a forced smile and a voice that was an octave higher than what it usually was. The one in front of Soobin had unruly hair, blond with dark roots, his shoulders were broad and his eyes light brown and playful. The two friends behind him bickered and laughed amongst themselves, one of them proceeded to poke the blond on his shoulder and wiggle his brows. The blush on the latter seemed to grow a shade darker. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was that all?” Soobin asked, he didn’t bother to look any of them in the eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, thank you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Soobin nodded and began bagging their groceries, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“ask him then,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he heard one of them whisper, and when he looked up he found that all three of them were staring at him. The blond with his caramel eyes, the tall one with a big grin, and the last one; his hair was faded red and his eyes were mischievous and big. Like he had something on his mind. Soobin felt weirdly out of place, or exposed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever question one of them wanted to ask, never came. Soobin pushed the bag towards them, and smiled. “Have a nice night,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you too- you too!” The three of them thanked, and left the store in a haze; the red-head pushed and pulled at the blond’s jacket, he laughed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Hyung, why didn’t you ask?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin was left wondering too, whatever the question he wanted to ask was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed, preparing himself for the small wave of drunkards that would come in at around 3AM, when bars started closing, he didn’t know it before, but it was surprising how many people were out drinking in the middle of the week. Like there was something to celebrate about it being a Wednesday. The store was </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfectly </span>
  </em>
  <span>situated close to the subway, their prices were low enough to attract almost everyone, and during the day the store was surrounded by this </span>
  <em>
    <span>homely</span>
  </em>
  <span> glow, like it was a family business in a town where everyone knows everyone. It’s not, but in a big city like Seoul, everyone; whether they know it or now, craves something like that. Something homely. Perhaps that's why even Soobin ended up here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning,” Soobin looked up from his phone, it’s Mr. Han. He owns the store, he always works the morning shift, always greets Soobin when he finally gets off the awful graveyard shift he accepted at the beginning of the year. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning,” Soobin greeted the old man back. When he stood up, the joints in his knees cracked as if he hadn’t stood up in hours (which, to be fair, he probably hadn’t). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lot’s of customers?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not more than usual, a small wave around 6.” Soobin answered, as he put on his jacket, it was worn and used. There is a hole in the left pocket and anything he ever puts there gets lost for all eternity. He should probably buy a new one, but it’s comfortable and he has had it forever. Maybe next year. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mr. Han nodded at him when he left the store. The sun was bright but it was still cold outside, which isn’t entirely unusual, the rays just haven’t had time to warm the pavement up yet. Soobin sighed, his head was still throbbing - he really didn’t feel like dealing with sickness right now, so he began the walk towards his bus stop, hoping some good sleep will cure it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone rushed past Soobin, with their purse clutched tight to their body; Soobin gets annoyed, but only because his balance is slightly thrown off from their shoulders grazing. As soon as they passed, he saw a familiar blue bus coming his way, it drove past him too; so he took a step aside to watch as the person waved at the driver, they wanted to get on. It’s obvious, Soobin imagines they are already late, with how fast they were running and how panicked they look. Either the bus driver is blind, or he simply doesn’t care because the bus zooms past the stop and the person is left standing a few meters away, in disbelief. Soobin </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>feel bad, really, the same thing has happened to him many times, but he doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t turn on his heel and walk up to them, he doesn’t pat them on the shoulder and wait with them until the next bus arrives, instead he took a step forward, and then another. He walks the same path he’s used to, with his earphones in his ears, staring down at his shoes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin rides the bus along with strangers, almost every morning. Well, by this point not everyone is a stranger anymore. There is an old lady, who always gets off at the stop by a retirement home; Soobin started making up stories in his head, maybe she’s visiting her husband, or an old friend who doesn’t have anyone but her. There is also a group of students, who always sit at the back. Half of them sleep, the other half study for tests they probably have forgotten. There’s a middle-aged man that always gets on too late when the seats are all taken, he always has to stand - squished between people. Sometimes it looks like he’s just over it, with the briefcase getting dirty by his feet and the black suit that gets a bit tighter around the stomach every time Soobin sees him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They aren’t really strangers at this point, just people Soobin doesn’t know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Early bird catches the worm?” The voice rang in Soobin’s ears, just like the bell above his head does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, the early bird wants to go to sleep.” Soobin answered, awkwardly pulling out the earphones, the barista in front of him rests his elbows on the counter, smiles at him through fluffy dark brown bangs. He doesn’t wear a name tag, even though his manager yells at him for that, whatever; Soobin doesn’t need it to know his name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yet you are here ordering coffee? Not good for you hyung.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind then, I’ll make it at home,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With the sound of losing a customer, the baristas manager came around from the back, she whipped him on the back of his head with her hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell him coffee is not good for him, Beomgyu-ah! We want him to buy it.” Her voice may be strict, but she knows it’s Soobin Beomgyu is talking to, so there is a little bit of that twinkle in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Jihyun-ssi.” Beomgyu whispers, but when he looks back at Soobin he is smiling, like he has the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>“go home then,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>on his tongue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihyun made the coffee for Soobin while he paid, he didn’t have to tell her what to do, he’s been coming here so much he’s sure she can make it with her eyes closed. Beomgyu happily told him about the dream he had and what he had for dinner last night, but Soobin only half listens. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you have fun at work?” Beomgyu then asked, Soobin answered “No,” automatically. He almost told Beomgyu about the three guys that came in. Ultimately he decided it would be best if it remained unsaid, because if not, it means he would have to admit that he’s been thinking about them, the blond to be specific. What question he wanted to ask. How he looked to be the obnoxious and loud type Soobin hated, while bearing such a tender smile, the kind of smile that feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>homely</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, it’s definitely best if Beomgyu doesn’t know, because he’s nosy and he will most probably pry if Soobin ever utters his thoughts about the blond’s homely smile out loud. Hell, if Soobin knows him well enough, the younger friend might actually find the blond with his weird talent of stalking and set them up on a blind date. Soobin can’t have that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight!” Beomgyu yelled at Soobin as he left the café, and he laughed at his own joke as if he doesn’t make it every morning, Soobin pretended he hated it too, but somewhere deep within himself he thinks it’s nice. To have someone yell corny jokes, to have someone know exactly what coffee he drinks, to ride the bus nearly every morning with strangers who aren’t really strangers anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun shined outside, but Soobin couldn’t see it, his windows were covered by dark velvet curtains. He’s still wearing earphones, they were blasting music. Soobin has still not learned how to live in both silence and in the dark, so he compensates. When the curtains cover his windows the rule that follows is that he must play music, only when he wakes up in six or seven hours will he turn the music down, because at least the afternoon sun accompanies his thoughts then. He tried explaining it once to Beomgyu, but it was clear the younger friend didn't quite understand, he just nodded along to what Soobin said <em>"whatever works for you." </em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes once again, surrounded by his dark bedroom, he’s 30 minutes in on his playlist. There are a lot of things on Soobin's mind, there always is, but today he's bothered with a question a stranger never asked, every second up until he finally fell asleep. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>idk how often i'll update this, knowing myself it's probably gonna be around once a week, occasionally more often, occasionally less. (next chapter is almost ready, will be up before the end of the week) but dw, i am srsly committed to this, and won't stop until its finished! </p><p>hope you liked it, see you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Step 2: Lend Out Your Umbrella</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The second time Soobin saw the blond, yes, <em> that </em>blond, he admittedly didn’t really recognize him. There had been a week or two between the meetings, and Soobin met <em>a lot </em>of people on a daily basis, he’s really only bound to remember the customers who he sees every day, or the ones who nearly make his blood boil. The blond was neither of them, so when he came in for that second time Soobin only looked at him for a few seconds longer, found that he was slightly familiar, not enough for him to even ponder on it though. In reality, it was nothing more than crossing paths with a stranger twice. </p><p> </p><p>Then he showed up for a third time, accompanied by the tall friend; a memory flared up for Soobin when the lanky guy excitedly grabbed a can of the grape flavoured soda and shouted, over the store, <em> “I didn’t bring my wallet, please treat me hyung?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>It was the blond. <em> The </em>blond. The blond one with a question. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin decided, maybe to scan his face for a little bit longer that time, to make sure he’d be able to remember it, for the off chance he had to pick him out from an ocean of strangers, or something like that. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” The blond said, when he came up to the register, for a fourth time, his smile reached up to his eyes and it looked like he wanted to whisper the name on Soobin’s name tag. </p><p>“Hi,” Soobin answered, but it isn’t just because he <em>has </em>to be polite to customers, no, Soobin is perhaps...interested this time. His smile is an ounce more genuine.  </p><p> </p><p>The blond accepted the bagged snacks with a bow, and when he looked up again from behind bangs, one of his eyes (both of them) closed in an attempted (but not successful) wink. </p><p> </p><p>“Have a nice night, Soobin-ssi.” He smiled. The name coming from the blond was quite delightful, it was playful, it was said like it was a little bit daring, it suddenly meant more than just being Soobin’s name. </p><p>“You too-” The sentence he had begun cut short in an awkward manner, the next word was supposed to be the blond’s name, but Soobin didn’t have it. </p><p> </p><p>When the bell above the other one rang, he saluted Soobin and said it simple and clear. “Yeonjun!” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeonjun,” Soobin whispered to himself, that same day, at 10 AM. The sun shined bright, but he was surrounded by dark, and his music was loud. The blond had a name and it was Yeonjun. </p><p> </p><p>He came in once again. Soobin was fully occupied with answering a quiz in one of the teen magazines he stole from the rack; <em> “Which celebrity are you the most compatible with?”, </em>he didn’t actually notice when Yeonjun came in at all, despite the ring of the bell. </p><p> </p><p>The “Hi,” startled Soobin out of any trance he was in, the pen in his hand fell to the floor soundlessly, the magazine slammed against the counter. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun was drenched, almost from head to toe. Soobin <em>had </em>noticed the grey clouds on his way to his shift, but didn’t think more of it then. The blond looked like a sad puppy, the hair slicked to his forehead and nose red from the cold, Soobin assumed. He not only looked like a sad puppy, but he also looked pretty miserable, to be honest. </p><p> </p><p>“Raining?” Soobin asked, put the magazine under the counter and picked up the pen from the floor. </p><p>“Like a bitch,” Yeonjun laughed, ran his fingers through the wet hair. The black had started growing out, it was very noticeable with the hair pushed back. “Missed my bus too, next one is in 40 minutes.” He whined and shook his head, like he was disappointed in himself. </p><p>“You can wait here, as long as you don’t disturb me working.” Soobin did his best at sounding nonchalant, like he didn’t actually want Yeonjun here, to be honest, if he had to choose, Yeonjun would be the only customer he’d ever let wait here for 40 minutes. </p><p>“What work? Reading tween-girl magazines?” The blonds’ laugh rang like it was a sweet melody. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin’s ears turned red and he smiled, let out a small “tsk” sound at the other one calling him out like this. He stood up and stretched his arms above his head. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll get a chair from the back, don’t rob me in the meantime.” Soobin yawned, glanced at the clock hanging above the door that led into their small storage/break room/office. It’s just after 2, the night has just begun. </p><p> </p><p>The two of them passed the time quite harmonic actually. None of them talked very much from the beginning, all that could be heard was the rain meeting asphalt outside, and the low music coming from the speakers above them. Soobin didn’t know if the silence between them was good or not, but as he himself had to restock a few groceries and sweep the store of wet footprints, Yeonjun patiently sat on the chair in the front, next to the register. He used his phone for a bit, then he picked up the magazine and flipped through it, laughing a little bit to himself now and again. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun tried to get a conversation going, after a while, saying things out of the blue like “Yoo Ahin is so handsome!” while eyeing Soobin, or asking questions that could easily be picked out of lists such as “top ten best ice breakers!” </p><p> </p><p>“How old are you Soobin-ssi?” The blond suddenly asked, from behind the magazine. </p><p>“21, you?” Soobin answered while folding together the last empty carton in his hand, he threw it in the office and sat down again, by the counter. The clock pointed at 2:27. </p><p>“22,” Yeonjun checked his phone, “So you are in uni?” </p><p> </p><p>The question stabbed a little bit at Soobin’s heart, his smile turned awkward, because he couldn’t say outright that he’d prefer not to answer. But it wasn’t like Yeonjun knew anything about him, he just tried to make conversation. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah...I never went.”</p><p>Yeonjun didn’t seem to notice that the tension grew, at all. “Hahaha god, my parents would <em>kill </em>me if I decided to not go. I’m lucky though ‘cause I’m doing an undergrad in media and it’s really fun. I think they wanted me to go into engineering or medicine or something though, but they saw how passionate I was and let me study whatever I wanted.” Yeonjun balled his fists, looking determined. Before he had time to register the faltering smile on Soobin’s face he let a question slip. “Was there nothing you wanted to read?”</p><p> </p><p>The moment hit Yeonjun, Soobin could see that.<em> “I asked something inappropriate,”  </em>was basically written out on Yeonjun’s face, but the question wasn’t really inappropriate, Yeonjun just tried to make conversation. </p><p> </p><p>“Psychology...or education.” Soobin’s lips pressed together, he opened his mouth to say something else, mostly to ease the blanket of tension between them. </p><p> </p><p>Both of them turned their heads towards the door when the bell rang, a couple came in; hand in hand. Soobin immediately shot to his feet and bowed slightly. <em>"</em><em>Good evening,”  </em>he muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“I should go,” Yeonjun pulled the hood of his jacket over his head, he put the magazine back on the counter. The older didn’t get more than two steps towards the door before Soobin reached out for him and coughed out his name. </p><p>“Wait Yeonjun-ssi! Uh, I have an umbrella you can borrow,” Soobin disappeared in a second, and came back from the office with a small black umbrella in his hand. He held it out to Yeonjun, who didn’t take it until a good 15 seconds later. 15 seconds they spent looking each other in the eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun nodded, let the right corner of his mouth jerk upwards. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll give it back, I promise.” </p><p> </p><p>The rain smattered down outside, Soobin could hear it when the door opened, then even louder when it hit the umbrella. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun disappeared in a hurry, to catch his bus, it would be awfully sad if he showed up again 15 minutes from now with the same miserable face as he had 40 minutes ago and repeated <em> “I missed my bus,” </em> </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t come back, which Soobin couldn’t figure out if he felt good about or not. Well, it was good - of course, it meant the older one caught his bus and got home, but Soobin did in fact miss having someone else with him in the store. Not even talking all the time, just being there, flipping pages in a magazine, or playing games on his phone with the volume all the way up. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s got you so sad?” Beomgyu asked as he filled the Soobin’s cup with the coffee. </p><p>“We didn’t have any customers today. Like at all.” Soobin melted down on one of the stools in the cafe. He was exhausted, the throbbing headache was back. </p><p>“That should make you happy though, alone time right?” </p><p>“I guess,” Soobin added a spoon of sugar to his coffee and stirred it around. </p><p> </p><p>Normally he took it to go, but since it had started to rain again (it stopped around 5 AM, and Soobin thought he would be lucky and get home before the gray skies opened up again, he was not) Soobin decided to wait it out in the café. Any other day he would have his handy little umbrella, but now it was...well, god knows where. Soobin didn’t even know if he’d ever get it back from Yeonjun. </p><p> </p><p>“Beomgyu?” </p><p>“Hyung?” Beomgyu returned the question, his back was turned to Soobin (which Soobin secretly felt thankful for, he’d rather have the younger not see his face heating up).</p><p>“Was it a long time ago...you...met someone. You know- someone uh…you went on a dat- someone you...” </p><p> </p><p>The brunette turned around with such speed he almost knocked every cup on his counter over. His eyes were big, his smile was wide. </p><p> </p><p>“Someone I...?” He nodded along to Soobin, but obviously knew what he wanted to ask. The excitement in his voice was apparent. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin was just about to continue, when an older woman came in through the door, the light brown coat was stained wet on the shoulders, as was the end of her pants. While Beomgyu easily slacked off when Soobin was the only one in the café, he knew he had to have some sense of work ethic, so he turned to her and bowed. Almost 90°. <em> “Good morning ma’am!”  </em>He greeted her politely, and moved to the register. </p><p> </p><p>There was no point in denying that Beomgyu was charming, Soobin eyed him from the side, he listened to his friend ask the woman (who was <em>at least </em> 40) if she had a student discount; to which she blushed and laughed. He happily talked to her the entire time he took her order, and as he was carefully making her coffee. Soobin didn’t understand how he did it, <em> so </em>effortlessly and with ease, Soobin could <em>never</em>. At work he does his job, he’s polite, but he doesn’t engage in excessive conversation and honestly, he’d rather have his customers not talk to him at all. </p><p> </p><p>As Soobin heard the lady announce that the weather had finally begun clearing up; he raised to his feet and walked to the door, leaving the coffee almost completely untouched and a conversation with Beomgyu unfinished. Maybe for another day, Soobin could feel the words he wanted to say stick to his throat like glue anyway. When the door closed behind him, he saw Beomgyu roll his eyes and subtly blow raspberries at him; yeah, Beomgyu was not done with the conversation. </p><p> </p><p>The asphalt was dark grey, as were the skies (even if Soobin had to admit there was blue scattered in the distance, which made it a little bit less melancholic). Soobin didn’t know what it was about it - but the distinct smell in the air after rain felt nostalgic, every time rain passed he felt it. Like he’s longing for a place, a person, a feeling he used to know. Like he was missing a moment he had never even lived through. </p><p> </p><p>He crossed the street, saw the old apartment building he lived in. Built out of now faded yellow cement, mighty and big. Soobin doesn't know the exact year it was built, but it was at least twice as hold as him. It had a history, every corner of it had. From the apartment on the ground level, where the landlord lived; she had her first daughter in there - to the top floor; where an old couple used to live, from the day they got married to the day they both passed in their sleep - like they had both decided that they would never live a day without the other. <em>Through sickness and death.  </em></p><p> </p><p>The vines growing up the sides of the entrance carried history, as did the gravel on the ground, and the graffiti painted on the walls. Graffiti that never got washed away, because if it did; it would be there the next day, painted fresh and there to stay. </p><p> </p><p>“Protect me from what I want” [1] was painted on the building next to Soobin’s, it reminded him of apocalyptic graffiti. “No vacancy!” Or “The end is near.” He passed it every day, could see it from the entrance, whether he wanted to or not. He used to wonder what it meant, if it meant anything - or if it was just nonsensical writing on a boring stone wall. Now, Soobin just took it for something indescribable and unexplainable, “Protect me from what I want,” he read, again, as he passed it to get into his own building. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin huddled under his covers, a little bit of light fought their way through the curtains, but other than that; he was in complete darkness. A logical part of his brain warned him not to use his phone before bed,<em> “you are trying to sleep!”  </em>but he couldn’t help himself. A text was left unanswered from Beomgyu; Soobin didn’t bother reading it all, but it was a long paragraph about dating and guys and having to tell Beomgyu now that he already had teased about it. Soobin would answer, of course, just not now. </p><p> </p><p>Instead of doing that, he reluctantly went on Instagram, typed in Yeonjun into the search bar; as if he’d be able to find <em>the </em>Yeonjun amongst the hundreds or thousands of Yeonjuns’. After scrolling through a dozen of pages he had to admit that he wouldn’t find it, and after playing with the idea to look on Facebook and Twitter too, he slammed the phone down on the mattress and shut his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Had he ever been like this, Soobin wondered. Blushing even in the solitude of his own home, just because he <em>thought </em>about a certain blond with a bubbly personality and cheeky smile. Had he ever rolled around in bed not being able to sleep because his mind was occupied by someone else? Had he ever wanted to get to know someone like he wanted to get to know Yeonjun?</p><p> </p><p>Not just his name or his age, Soobin wanted to know exactly how Yeonjun liked his coffee, what quirks he did when he was bored, what places were his favorites to visit. Everything. Soobin wanted to know him, being known is being loved. </p><p> </p><p>Was the answer that simple? Soobin was falling in love?  </p><p> </p><p>Yes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>[1] "Protect me from what I want" is not just nonsensical writing on a cement wall, it's a quote by Jenny Holzer (expect more poetry in future chapters lol, I've got so many in store)</p><p>hope you liked this chapter too! I know it's a little bit slow right now, but it's gonna progress more and more from here hehe, see you next time &gt;:)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Step 3: Get Their Number (not so) Successfully</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soobin was mindlessly humming along to the song playing from the speakers when he heard the door open and close. He was unpacking his third box of ramen and had two more in the back to unpack. Though his back hurt a little bit from excessive and uncareful lifting, he was actually quite happy. Smiling to himself even when alone. Yeah. He slept amazing, a full 9 hours completely undisturbed, he decided to treat himself to some (expensive) take out and filled his stomach to the top, <em> and </em>he found a 50000₩ bill on his way to work. This day really couldn’t get better. </p><p> </p><p>“Good evening,” Soobin called out, and looked around one of the sides of the shelf, he couldn’t see anyone by the door; but he heard two pairs of footsteps. </p><p> </p><p>This day had reached its peak, which meant it could only go downhill from here. </p><p> </p><p>A redhead came around the corner, his face was familiar; but Soobin couldn’t place it exactly, behind him a tall guy followed, <em> that </em>was Yeonjun’s friend, Soobin knew that. <em> They </em>were Yeonjun’s friends. The redhead’s face was sour, his fists were balled up and Soobin had to take a second to figure out who he was angry at, the one behind him didn’t look as mad - rather he looked displeased with eyebrows furrowed together and mouth in a slight frown. </p><p> </p><p>“You! Big guy!” The redhead pointed, and there was no denying he was pointing exactly at Soobin. The latter placed the box in his hand on the floor next to the empty ones. He didn’t say anything, it looked like he hadn’t quite registered that the former was talking to him. A bell rang in the distance, but Soobin couldn’t hear it over his loud heartbeat. </p><p>“Do you think you are too good for hyung?” He took a few steps closer, definitely intruding on Soobin’s personal space. Soobin could even smell the faint scent of beer coming from him. Cheap college beer. </p><p> </p><p>Obviously, Soobin knew who he talked about - Yeonjun, but he had to ask, nevertheless.</p><p> </p><p>“Who?”  </p><p>“Yeonjun-hyung! You think you can ignore him like this after he gave you his number?!”</p><p>“I-”  Soobin began. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yeonjun, 505-xxx-xx-xx, call me~” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>That’s what the older one had written on the note, he somehow had snuck into Soobin’s jacket, a week or so earlier. Well, not “somehow”, Soobin was sure it was when Yeonjun convinced him to let him try on his jacket. </p><p><em> “I love it Soobin-ssi! Who knew your taste in clothes was this great?” </em>He said when he twirled around with the jacked on him. It was too small on Soobin, especially in the arms, but on Yeonjun it looked like it was a whole size larger. Soobin laughed and only got Yeonjun to take it off after five minutes. If Yeonjun would have asked to keep it, Soobin would have said yes, even if it meant he would have had to walk home without one - there was something entirely too entrancing in watching the blond swirl around like he was dancing. Soobin wasn't sure if the things Yeonjun said and did was flirting or simply friendly signals that he took the wrong way. Until of course he put the small folded up note in Soobin's pocked for him to find later. </p><p> </p><p>The thin layer of blush painted on Yeonjun's cheeks that night made more sense once Soobin found said note in his right pocket, while waiting for the bus, it took a few seconds to understand what it was; when he realized it was a number his heart almost jumped out of his chest, his hands covered themself in a layer of nervous sweat.<em>“I’ll text him as soon as I sit down!”  </em>He had time to think when he saw his blue bus come in the distance. Soobin put the note in his left pocket without thinking. </p><p> </p><p>“Taehyun!” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun came around the other side of the shelf, behind Soobin, it sounded like an argument had already broken out between Yeonjun and his redheaded friend - Taehyun. Soobin had to grab onto the shelf for some kind of support. Soobin had grown non confrontive during the years, he and Beomgyu rarely fought, and the last fight he had with his parents was years ago. with the three of them around him, arguing about something Soobin didn't keep up, despite hearing his name once or twice. Taehyun looked irritated, Yeonjun's face was an entire shade redder than normally, the tall one without a name had his hands on Taehyun's shoulders. Was he stuck in a soap opera? A melodrama? Was that what had happened?  </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The older one went between apologizing to Soobin and yelling at Taehyun to do the same, the tall one behind the latter remained quiet most of the time, and finally stepped in between the two friends. “Guys…” he whispered to them, maybe he felt sympathetic towards Soobin, who looked a second away from either crying or throwing up from the commotion. The bell above the door had rung again, and when Soobin realized this he crouched down, hurriedly grabbed the boxes on the floor and walked to the counter, eyeing the party of three still arguing. The older man who came in was only in need of two packets of cigarettes, when Soobin handed them to him he felt the small urge to buy a pack himself once his shift was over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>Almost at the same time as the older man left, Yeonjun and his two friends did too. Only Yeonjun threw Soobin an apologetic smile, while his two hands were on his friends backs - as if he was ushering them out. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin leaned back in the small chair behind the register. He stared at the door, where they had all gone. Yeonjun with his two friends, his two friends who hated him - that’s what Soobin assumed at least.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe they did - maybe they didn’t. However, there was no denying the fact that they had formed a one-sided opinion about Soobin within themself. Most of it must have come from Yeonjun, how much the older one could have spoken of him Soobin didn’t know, but it was enough - enough for Taehyun to come marching up to him, half past 2 in the morning, to confront Soobin as if he had insulted Yeonjun and called his mother a donkey. It’s weird, being faced with someone's opinion of you so up front, it’s a nasty reminder that you exist, outside of your own personal bubble. Soobin didn’t like that the redhead or the tall one had a version of him in their heads, especially when it wasn’t the version Soobin had of himself. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe it was fair, it wasn’t like Soobin didn’t judge every single customer that he met, especially the ones he met often. Like the old lady whose face was sunken in and hands always shaky, who bought a half dozen bottles of soju every other day. Or the high schooler who he sold cigarettes to every Friday, even though he’s not allowed to, when she left the store with a guilty smile on her lips he smiled at her back, exactly like the old man did that sold cigarettes to Soobin when he was younger. What problems did she face at home? Who did she want attention from? </p><p> </p><p>“What other people think of is none of your business.” [1] Tsk. Not at all, everyone would think. Especially Soobin, of course it is. Deep down, Soobin <em>needed </em>to know what everyone thought of him, mostly to make sure they didn’t have some distorted image of him, like the redhead. Like Taehyun, who thought of him as an asshole that hurt his friend, and not as the clumsy idiot who put Yeonjun’s number in his left pocket - where everything always got lost for all eternity. But it’s none of your business, truly, what other people think of you. If the high school girl came up and asked Soobin what he <em>really </em>thought of her, he would lie and tell her he didn’t have an opinion on her, at all - because it’s not her business. </p><p> </p><p>The door opened with the familiar ring again, Yeonjun was out of breath, when he and Soobin locked eyes; the tips of his ears turned bright red. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Yeonjun walked as close as he could to the counter, he bowed, deep, his forehead almost laid flat on the countertop. “I’m sorry Soobin-ssi, Taehyun...he’s an upfront person normally, and when he drinks, he just- just says what he thinks with no sense of consequences at all.” </p><p>“It’s okay,” Soobin whispered.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” </p><p>Soobin forced out a chuckle, flicked the crown of Yeonjun’s head, the older one looked up and rubbed the sore spot. “Don’t be, they’re loyal. Your friends.” Soobin continued.</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun pressed his lips together and straightened his back, it seemed like the blush had spread from his ears to his cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>“But, tell him- them, uh...I lost your number. I was gonna text you, if you got the impression I was ignoring you or whatever.” Soobin mumbled, he stared at his feet below him. </p><p>“Oh- I- wasn’t really...I don’t know.”  </p><p>“It’s okay, I’m sorry,” Soobin ended up smiling, despite his heart feeling turbulent and despite that his breath sped up when he looked at Yeonjun - whose face was both embarrassed and in shock. </p><p>“Ah Soobin! I came here to apologize and now you are apologizing, why?” </p><p> </p><p>They both laughed, like it was a little bit awkward, maybe in 10 years this would be a fun anecdote, maybe they would laugh a little bit more genuine then. </p><p> </p><p>“Soobin?” Yeonjun drew circles on the counter with his finger, once their laughter had died down and they drowned in the blanket of silence. Soobin hummed. “If I give you my number again, will you promise not to lose it?” </p><p>“Mnm.” Soobin nodded, he reached for a notepad and a pen. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin liked Yeonjun’s handwriting, it wasn’t sloppy, nor was it perfect. It was charming, in the same ways Yeonjun was -  like how he stuck out his tongue while concentrating, even if all he had to do was to write down his name and number for Soobin. It was really charming, Yeonjun's small quirks. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Soobin whispered, thanking for giving him a second chance, just because the first one was lost in his left pocket.</p><p> </p><p><em> “If you don’t call me I’ll send Taehyun on you for real!”  </em>Yeonjun joked, when he left two minutes later, it was said with a small twinkle in his eyes, but Soobin still laughed nervously, even after he had left. </p><p> </p><p>For his own personal good he had memorized the number by the time he got off his shift in the morning, he spent the entire bus ride perfecting a text to Yeonjun; in the end, he deleted everything he had written, ended up simply sending “didn’t lose it :)”. </p><p> </p><p>He checked the conversation manically up until he opened the door to the cafe Beomgyu worked in, expecting an answer immediately; of course, Yeonjun had been in a bit after 2, and he smelled like a bar, cheap alcohol mixed with sweat and strong cologne. Soobin glanced at the time, it was not even half past 7, Yeonjun being awake at this early hour felt a little bit unrealistic, even Soobin had to admit that. </p><p> </p><p>If it weren’t for the fact that Soobin had one customer both in front of him and two behind him, he would have stayed to talk to Beomgyu, but the younger friend looked stressed; which was a rare occurrence. Instead, Soobin had to be content with Beomgyu whispering “I’ll talk to you later,” when he handed Soobin his cup, smile lopsided. </p><p>“Yeah,” Soobin nodded and waved slightly at Beomgyu and Jihyun, they both smiled back and watched him go. </p><p> </p><p>There was rain in the air, Soobin could smell it, he still hadn’t gotten the umbrella back from Yeonjun; honestly he didn’t care much. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin didn’t notice the writing on his cup until he was halfway home from the café, when his eyes caught the messy sharpie under his fingers in the middle of a sip; <em> “I can smell the smoke on you,” </em> it said, accompanied with an angry smiley and a badly drawn phone. Instinctively Soobin pulled the black shirt up to his nose and took a deep breath. He couldn't quite smell it, but he didn't doubt Beomgyu's words. There was something embarrassing in being caught, yet something addicting in knowing Beomgyu <em>knew </em>him that well, maybe once he wakes up, he’ll call the friend and explain the night he had had, as if it was important to defend him and his bad habits. If he didn't, Beomgyu would either be nice and call him, in a few hours - or he'd simply break into his apartment and demand an explanation. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t have made it more than a few feet before he felt the small droplets of rain hit his shoulders, as well as staining the pavement with dark grey dots. It was still light, barely there at all, but the rain was not to be trusted - so he quickened his pace. </p><p> </p><p>With a little bit more determination, he hurried in his steps, took long strides; at one point the speedwalking could have been mistaken for a light jog. Anything to not get caught in the shower of rain, that most certainly would come sooner than later. </p><p> </p><p>He met his landlord in the entrance, who greeted him with nothing more than a slight nod. She was reserved and quiet and always looked a little bit too tired. But she was nice, on the days it seemed she slept enough or had a full breakfast she would greet him with a smile, the kind of smile that was contagious (Soobin always wished secretly that she would smile more). She was really a nice lady, she paid him more than what was reasonable when he was seemingly the only one to watch her son over the day, that one time, just a few months after he moved in, and continued showing her graditude for months after that; mostly by giving him her leftovers, or being compassionate if Soobin had a hard time with rent and utilites a month. </p><p> </p><p>To his surprise he noticed the small corner of a yellow piece of mail sticking out of his mailbox, he wasn’t used to mail, safe from the few bills that came every now and again, and the endless different advertisements. He unlocked the mailbox and grabbed the small pile; flipping through it on his way up the stairs, like he had thought, most of it was advertisement and brochures he didn’t care about (and got despite the polite little “no ads please!” he had stuck to his box). </p><p> </p><p>Soobin had already established that his day had reached its peak, hours earlier, and was in for a fate that proved to be unlucky. Taehyun was one example of it. The small pink envelope latched between colorful coupons and free magazines were the second one, he realized. </p><p> </p><p>It had a faint fragrance, like vanilla perfume had been sprayed on it. The address and name were written on there by hand, it was even sealed with wax. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Soobin </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You are hereby lovingly invited to the wedding of Choi Shinhye and Kim Hyunsik-  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t read the rest of it. Simply placed the small pink card on his kitchen counter, left his cup of coffee next to it. </p><p> </p><p>With a straight face he slowly covered his bedroom window with the curtains after watching the rain for a few seconds, he stripped off his clothes and put on the sweats that already laid on his bed. Soobin pulled the covers all the way up to the shoulders, he closed his eyes and attempted to breathe. A voice called in his head, before he could drown it out with music. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s time to go home Soobin.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i have a disease called only being able to write between midnight and 3am. this has also been done for like a whole ass day but I procastinated proofreading this shit the entire day even if i was literally just in bed 😐 sorry about that lol</p><p>[1] "What other people think of you is none of your business." From <a href="https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/15/i-know-what-you-think-of-me/">this</a> article by Tim Kreider. (Read it!! It's really good)</p><p>(Also if you are reading this, please let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions or hopes for upcoming chapters, while i do have an outline i follow, my anxiety is kicking in and I'm entering my usual "i want to Delete the entire thing" phase. If not in the comments, you can dm me on my <a href="https://twitter.com/hopeonmydick">twitter</a> )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Step 4: Go on Dates</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is really dialogue heavy bc why would I describe their surroundings when they can simply just talk</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Soobin waited for the call to connect, the low static was filled with an emotion Soobin couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t excitement really, nor was it anticipation or something he looked forward to at all, no, the silence was suffocating and anxiety-inducing, for what was to come. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” A woman's voice answered, on the other end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi! Congratulations!” Soobin cleared his throat, did his sister not know it was him on the other end? “To your engagement I mean.” It was silent for another few seconds, “It’s Soobin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah-” She laughed, “Thank you Soobin-ah, I’m sorry I have a new phone and I had a problem transferring my contact list to it!” Her laugh rang in his ears and he could imagine her waving her hands in front of her face embarrassed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin broke out into a smile too, hearing her voice - it wasn’t a choice, he really couldn’t help it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It really happened fast,” She sighed, “We got engaged a few months ago when we visited Jiyeon in Jeju, but we have kept it quiet until now. Mom freaked out over the phone that the wedding would be so soon.” She explained, Soobin could imagine how much his mother would freak over such a thing. Shinhye continued on a long tangent about how life had been. Something about school, something about Hyunsik- her soon to be husband. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I love him, but he snores worse than both you and your brother.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>- to which Soobin defended,</span>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t snore that bad!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I miss you Soobin! Why don’t you come home more often? Haven’t seen you since February,” Her voice was both teasing and somber, like she tried to downplay her emotions a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, ‘m just working a lot, saving up those vacation days,” Soobin whispered over the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah I understand, at least you’re coming to my wedding, stay for a bit longer then?” Soobin nodded at her question, forgetting she can’t see him. Before he had time to respond properly, she smacked her lips on the other end. “Are you...perhaps bringing anyone? Did you see on the invitation that you get a plus one...if you want?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, probably not. I’ll talk to Beomgyu.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmkay...Hey, I gotta go now, it was nice hearing your voice- I know you’re coming but don’t forget to send the RSVP, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A second of silence followed, before the call ended with rapid beeps. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll talk to me about what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu looked up from his phone, sat on Soobin’s bed, happily engulfed by Soobin’s blankets and covers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you wanna be my plus one?” Soobin spread out flat on his bed, next to Beomgyu - who - when the opportunity arose, began playing drums on Soobin’s back, with his fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do like weddings,” Beomgyu hummed, “I’ll check if I can go, if you don’t wanna go alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna go at all,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin liked that his friend was easy to be around, even in moments like this, when Soobin felt miserable. Beomgyu was comforting in that way, when Soobin whined and complained about life, the friend simply pinched his cheeks and told him to suck it up - because honestly, that’s what Soobin just had to do. He loved his sister very much, and though he worried for what was to come, it wasn’t a reason to miss </span>
  <em>
    <span>the happiest day </span>
  </em>
  <span>in his sister’s life, or whatever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know it stinks,” Beomgyu said, patted Soobin’s hair firmly. “But think of all the free cake you’re gonna get. And!! Open bar, right?” He clapped his hands excitedly, like he could already imagine the wedding day, down to every detail. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!” Soobin chuckled when he turned around, he pushed Beomgyu to the side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was nice though, to have someone remind him that even the worst events he could imagine had some nice aspects to them. (Like, free cake!)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu ran his fingers through his brown hair and stretched his arms above his head, his elbows cracked and he let out a long groan. From both his composure and face, one might mistake him for just waking up - in reality it was Soobin, who was woken up by Beomgyu’s frantic knocks at 3 PM. Soobin thought something had happened, with how loud Beomgyu was, but when he sat down on one of the stools in Soobin’s kitchen, he just sighed and told the other he was bored. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ve slept 6 hours and you’re here complaining about being bored?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Exactly, now entertain me!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was lucky he was Soobin's only friend, (and that Soobin liked Beomgyu too, even if he rarely said it out loud).  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you ask that guy to your sister's wedding?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeonjun-ssi? Are you crazy, we barely know each other.” Soobin tsked and flipped to his side, away from Beomgyu. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He gave you his number, right? Do you guys talk?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin opened the conversation with Yeonjun, he felt Beomgyu peek from behind his shoulders. It was almost exclusively Yeonjun sending goodnight messages at 2 AM and Soobin sending good morning messages at 8 AM. Their conversations were still in an awkward stage, mostly because Soobin was unused to them over text - at least that’s what he blamed it on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>”Here,” Beomgyu lunged forward, over Soobin’s body and towards his phone. He had an idea on his mind, and before Soobin had even finished saying the “O” in “No”, his friend had already sent </span>
  <em>
    <span>“hey I suck at talking over txt, call me instead when you have time ;)”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lucky for Beomgyu, Yeonjun’s caller ID flashed just 30 seconds later, while Soobin was in the process of killing his friend. He realized he couldn’t possibly ignore Yeonjun, (it might end with the redhead on his ass, who knows!) despite - he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to talk to Yeonjun, whether he was gonna admit it or not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You have to answer,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beomgyu smirked when Soobin’s hands loosened around his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I hate you so much,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin sneered at him, to which Beomgyu responded with a row of finger hearts and kissy faces. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin hurried to stand, he knew that if he let it ring for even a few seconds longer it would end up going to Soobin’s voicemail. Had the room always been this hot? Was he this sweaty before? With his heart in his throat, he pressed the green button to answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Soobin breathed out, when he began walking out of the room. If he had to talk to Yeonjun so unexpectedly he couldn’t stand watching Beomgyu’s smug face at the same time. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Hi!”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yeonjun’s voice crackled on the other end, he sounded groggy and tired, even though it was late in the afternoon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu was lucky the call went on for another 15 minutes, because when Soobin finally ended his conversation with Yeonjun he had forgotten about the previous rage directed at the friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was obvious that the brunette was asking how it went, with the eyebrows almost reaching his hairline and the curious eyes following Soobin as he walked into the room again, hands behind his back and biting down a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He asked me out,” Soobin declared, when he finally slumped down in his bed, next to his friend. It was proud, because Soobin was happy, but the butterflies in his stomach went wild with nervousness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After work, on Saturday morning, Yeonjun would meet up with Soobin. Soobin genuinely tried to tell Yeonjun that he could do another day, either when he didn’t work, or just before work, that they could go eat. The blond was adamant. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Saturday morning! I’ll see you! Let’s just do something casual and get coffee!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s where Soobin was now, counting down the minutes. It’s 6:53, he told Yeonjun that there was no point in being there at seven on the dot, because he needed a minute to get out of work (probably another five minutes to collect himself in the bathroom too). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s 6:54 when Mr. Han comes in through the entrance and greets Soobin. He stroked the small beard and asked his usual row of questions about the night, all of which Soobin answered like they were automated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the clock then struck 6:57 Mr. Han told Soobin he might as well clock out, that three minutes was nothing anyway. Normally Soobin would agree, but today three minutes meant a lot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I quit at 7,”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bet, I’ll be outside once you are done.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God please don’t be outside, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t be outside.” Soobin whispered to himself, not that Soobin didn’t want to see Yeonjun - just that he wasn’t ready mentally to upgrade his and the blond's relationship from “customer/clerk” to...yeah...Soobin didn’t know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t, which was actually a little bit disappointing. However emotions now worked.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin kicked at the gravel on the ground, he drew small hearts in the dust on the small table outside the store, a table he doubted anyone ever wiped off (even if they were supposed to). Time moved as if the world had been put in slow-mo, but when Soobin carefully pressed on the screen his phone, it was just 7:03, Yeonjun wasn’t even late yet. It was second nature to Soobin to think about all the disastrous things that could have either happened that would stop the other from coming, or all the terrible things that are yet to have happened, Maybe Yeonjun got run over and is lying in a puddle of blood, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Jesus that was graphic,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin shook his head. Maybe he decided last minute that Soobin wasn’t worth it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Well that doesn’t make me much happier,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Maybe they would have the most awkward date in the history of dates, and Soobin had to live with that fact - for all eternity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello baby,” Yeonjun came from around the corner, hitting Soobin so hard on his shoulder he almost toppled over. Probably more from shock than the actual power of the smack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah- Yeonjun-ssi!” Soobin turned around to face him, he pretended the casual pet name didn’t faze him, even if the tips of his ears turned red and his cheeks turned hot. Yeonjun locked his hands behind his back and smiled upon him, wide and rather smug. He wore baseball shorts, barely reaching his knees, and a long pastel blue hoodie, it made Soobin feel a bit better about being underdressed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come,” The blond pushed his hair out of his face with a pair of sunglasses he must have held in his hands previously, they rested neatly on the top of his head, revealing both his forehead and sharp black eyebrows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Secret,” Yeonjun spun around and winked, once again not really succeeding in doing so, but the effort was appreciated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked mostly in silence, a silence that wasn’t as awkward as Soobin expected it to be. It was early in the morning, normally the streets would be full of students in their uniforms rushing for the bus or men in suits and ties looking more serious than necessary.  Today it was emptier, Soobin noticed a lot of older people, some sitting on park benches under trees, bathing in the morning sun while feeding curious pigeons bread, some holding hands with their loved ones while walking slowly on the pavement - like they had nothing to worry about at all.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun mumbled something Soobin didn’t catch, and suddenly crossed the street - looking both ways to make sure a car wasn’t coming. It took a few seconds for Soobin to join him, jogging up behind the other one. He was about to ask him what he said, but the moment he opened his mouth, Yeonjun grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. Into one of the many parks in the city, where the trees shielded them from the sun and the ground was green around them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going?” Soobin laughed, albeit a little bit nervously, trying to keep up with Yeonjun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit of a detour, but- I love walking here,” Yeonjun slowed down, until they were both going at walking speed again, now slightly out of breath. His hand was still grasped around Soobin’s wrist, but none of them mentioned it. “Especially early, sometimes, when the sun doesn’t rise this early, I catch the sunrise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are an early bird?” Soobin asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, maybe,” Yeonjun hummed, like he was thinking hard. “I don't know, but sometimes I just wake up early, and I like to do things. Despite, isn’t there something very nice about having the whole day in front of you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t know, I’m always asleep until late afternoon,” Soobin cleared his throat, Yeonjun would maybe find that undesirable, like he was lazy or something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh- but you have been up the whole night working, right?” Yeonjun smiled, like he tried to comfort Soobin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was surprisingly easy to talk to Yeonjun, Soobin found. He listened attentively and nodded when Soobin talked, like he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>listening, not a lot of people did that. At least Soobin hadn’t met many like that. After they had entered the small park, there wasn’t really a point when they both remained silent. If Soobin wasn’t talking, Yeonjun was either leading the conversation, or pointing around the park at small things he wanted Soobin to know about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Look! There are so many squirrels here! Many of them are fat because the old ladies feed them too much food,” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah, you know during spring the trees over there blossom, it’s very pretty.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They passed a big piano, under a small roof. There was a silver plaque on the lid, with something engraved on it - from afar Soobin couldn’t read it, but maybe Yeonjun would tell him - he seemed to know everything about everything anyways. A man was sitting at it playing, the man looked so into it - maybe he didn’t even know that everyone was watching him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Summertime, by George Gerswhin. Beautiful right?”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yeonjun whispered - Soobin nodded. It was. The blond leaned in another centimeter, he let go of Soobin’s wrist, and slipped his hand around his arm instead. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“My friend Kai plays here sometimes, often when I force him to. He could probably become a concert pianist in the future.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one?” Could it be the scary redhead? Or the tall one? Soobin tried to imagine both of them playing the piano in front of him here, as if that would help him figure it out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s the tall one,” Yeonjun snickered, answered the question so fast Soobin was afraid he read his mind for a second. “You’ve met him multiple times.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make him play for us, it’s really nice.” Yeonjun continued, when they finally dragged themself away from the piano - continuing out of the park. Soobin didn’t answer, but his heart started beating a little bit faster, because that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>a promise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun hummed, once silence fell between them - it was the same song, or piece, the one the man in the park played on piano. It seemed he knew the entire thing by heart, Soobin heard him hum it until they reached the street again, met with people talking loudly and cars zooming past them. All that Soobin was missing was the lyrics, which - going by how well Yeonjun knew the melody - he probably knew like the back of his palm too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, here it is!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before them were an old building, squished between two, obviously very new and modern ones. It wasn’t old like how Soobin’s apartment building was. No, this looked elegant, with pillars on the corners of the buildings, beautifully carved. The windows on each side of the entrance were painted - like a church. Many intricate and complicated patterns, with crimson red, canary yellow, and cobalt blue, Soobin was so entranced by that he didn’t have time to read the sign above the door when they walked in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was an older café, but the walls had bookshelves covering them like they were wallpaper - bookshelves filled to the absolute brim of books of every single genre Soobin could imagine. There weren't any normal chairs in here, like Soobin was used to - instead the only places to sit were in armchairs, probably equally as old as the building itself, accompanied by round cedar tables. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bookstore-café, or whatever,” Yeonjun explained, as he led them up the counter. “I don't really read a lot, but they serve the best coffee in the entirety of Seoul. I’d walk miles in massage sandals for this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, it’s very serious then.” Soobin’s mouth formed into an ‘O’, but he was a little bit sarcastic, no coffee could ever be </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They spent a minute looking at the small menu, before letting the seemingly tired barista take their order, Yeonjun spent another minute lecturing Soobin after he tried to pay for his own drink, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I promised I’d pay for you Soobin-ah!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun looked at him with anticipation when Soobin was about to take his first sip, the blond was quiet - lips pressed tightly together waiting for Soobin to say what he thought of it. “It’s good, very.” He then admitted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was the best coffee he had ever had, or maybe it became a little bit sweeter because Yeonjun was so excited, Soobin wasn’t sure. (Well, he actually admittedly liked this better than the coffee at Beomgyu cafe, but he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>say that to the brunette's face, hell would break loose.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was it so good Soobin would walk miles in massage sandals? Willingly? Probably not, but if it made Yeonjun this happy he just tasted it, he’d consider it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah!” Yeonjun smacked Soobin’s forearm, he looked shocked. “What time is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“7:45.” Soobin answered, he was way too occupied being shocked at how long he and Yeonjun had been together to notice how much the other one's face lit up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to hurry then!” Their hands linked, Soobin was probably a second from dropping his cup on the floor - he could even hear the ice rattling around in Yeonjun’s cup from the sudden hurry. “Back to the park it is~” The blond cheered, he looked back at Soobin for a second, before leading them over the street onto the path again under the trees again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped before a bench, just 15-20 feet away from the piano, where they had been not even 10 minutes earlier. Yeonjun motioned for Soobin to stand still, as if he was gonna run away if not - he brushed any sort of dust or dirt away from the bench, before he let Soobin sit down. Yeonjun huffed out a breath, crossed his legs and stretched his arms above his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See,” He began. “The man that played earlier, yeah he comes now and again - I was actually shocked to see him here today. But,” Yeonjun pointed at an older lady coming from the direction of the café, where they had just been. "Old lady" was </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> a bit exaggerated, early 50’s, Soobin thought. Her back was straight, she looked composed and...honestly...a bit out of place. Her dress was neatly ironed and her hair was in a nice updo, it seemed as if she had done her hair and makeup specifically for this, whatever </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For as long as I have lived here, and have crossed this path, she plays every Saturday at 8 AM, without fail.  As long as the piano is here, so is she. Kai lives a few blocks up too, with his parents, he told me she has been here since </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>was a kid. She’s amazing, probably knows every song in the entire world.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is,” Yeonjun let out a sigh, like he relaxed into Soobin’s side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them watched the woman sit down on the stool by the piano, and exactly on cue - like Yeonjun had explained - when the clock struck 8, she began playing. Moving her fingers swiftly over the keys, like it was nothing, and it was beautiful. She was amazing, the second Soobin heard her he didn’t doubt the fact that she probably knew every song in the world. Whatever she was playing now, Soobin didn’t know, but she knew the notes so well - the movements - she played without even one mistake with her eyes closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was impressive, Soobin had never been one to play instruments very well, when he tried in school it was always a bit disappointing, he could never quite get the hang of it. No matter the instrument, how people played liked it was second nature, he didn’t understand that completely. He looked at her play, she understood it. It was second nature for her. She doesn’t even think, Soobin can see that - she just plays. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin closed his eyes too, before leaning back on the bench. The sunlight was spreading, he felt the warmth seep through his pants where the rays hit, it burnt, in the best ways possible. He could never imagine the morning sun would feel this good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gökotta.” [1] Yeonjun said, from nowhere it seemed, or maybe he had said something before this, but Soobin wasn’t listening properly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gökotta,” He repeated, but the words sounded just as much as gibberish as they did the first time, Soobin could barely repeat the first syllable. “It’s a Swedish thing, people go out in big groups and listen to the birds sing, at dawn. Isn’t this kind of like– a gökotta, it sure is early morning, and we have our own little birdsong,” Yeonjun motioned at the piano. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess it is, g–” Soobin snickered, tried to pronounce the word again, to no avail. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun must have found it hilarious, he broke out in laughter, inched closer and repeated it again. “Gökotta,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Go- Gö-” </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Gökotta!” </span>
  <em>
    <span>“-Kotta?”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Gö~kotta~” Soobin shook his head, this wasn’t gonna work, his tongue just twisted and no matter how many times the blond repeated himself, it was just a bunch of random sounds Soobin couldn’t mimic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Yeonjun turned his head towards the lady, and the piano. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, I love this song.” He said, Soobin didn’t really recognize it. “You wanna dance?” Yeonjun asked. He stood up, placed his plastic cup on the bench where he had been sitting. Soobin was a bit shocked at the proposal, he glanced around him, the park had filled significantly.  Many people were here, watching the woman play, just like Yeonjun and Soobin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aha- I’m not a good dancer,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Yeonjun stretched out his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, I’m not– another time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You owe me onw then.” Yeonjun sat down again, an inch closer to Soobin, if that was possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll owe you.” Soobin nodded, the blond looked content at that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat there until the lady stood up, 30 minutes after she had begun playing. She bowed slightly to her small audience, her face was still straight and unbothered. Soobin found something about her admirable, maybe if he found himself here on another Saturday, at this time (perhaps with Yeonjun), he’d go up to her and tell her she’s good, or something - if he didn’t dare that, he’d just look at her googly-eyed from afar and hope she understood what he meant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small tune rocked Soobin out of his head, An alarm, coming from Yeonjun’s phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My dear Soobin, I am afraid I have to hurry home, I’m supposed to dogsit for a friend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh- okay.” Soobin coughed and stood up. Yeonjun followed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nice…” The blond smiled, tilted his head a little bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was.” Soobin passed the cup between his hands, he felt the apples of his cheeks heat up, not because of the nice summer sun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun waved a little bit, turned on his heel. He began walking away, a little bit awkwardly. Soobin followed him with his eyes, and when the older one had gotten a few feet away, Soobin turned around too. It felt a little bit wrong, like they had cut off a sentence in the middle of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to look back, just a little bit, to see where Yeonjun was - how far he had gotten, what if they locked eyes, like a romantic movie? </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A weight suddenly attached to his neck, Soobin knew - long before he looked to see who it was - that it was the blond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, U couldn't go without another goodbye, promise to call me?” Yeonjun’s arms circled around Soobin’s neck, the latter nodded - yes, he’d call. Maybe as soon as he got home, that was not too early was it? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soobin patted Yeonjun’s arms. He turned around, let themself hug goodbye a little bit more comfortably. He caught a whiff of the older one’s perfume, he’d drown in it if he could. Yeonjun’s hands stroked his back, his cheek pressed against Soobin’s shoulder, if just for a second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe Soobin would pass out from heatstroke, how was it possible he had met the sun personified? If he knew it at the top of his head, he’d go full ‘William Shakespeare’, right now.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> [2], Soobin might as well do that, that’s what Yeonjun felt like, at the very least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to go now, thank you for today.” The blond giggled into his ear, then he hurried away for real - fast steps, if it wasn’t for the plastic cup in his hand, maybe he’d run. Soobin grazed his ear, where Yeonjun had accidentally left his presence in the form of a whisper. He felt himself turn bright red, it was embarrassing, he couldn’t let anyone see him like this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So just like Yeonjun, Soobin went on his way, heart beating a little bit too fast, it was just a first date he tried to remind himself. A first...date…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>First implied that there would be a second one. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wanted to post this on valentines as a nice gift to you, my dear readers, but I couldn't finish it in time, please accept it now and forgive me 🤲</p><p>[1] Gökotta (from Wikipedia) - Gökotta is a Swedish tradition, it means to go birdwatching and/or having a picnic early in the morning, it is often done in bigger groups, either going walking in the forest or in city parks, this done in the early morning with the purpose of having a smaller party with other people and to hear the spring birds sing (especially the common cuckoo, "Gök" in swedish, hence the saying "Gökotta"). This was often practiced during holidays such as ascension day and the days leading up to midsummer.<br/>[2] "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" William Shakespeare, Sonnet 18. </p><p>Sorry for being so slow on updates, see you next time!! &lt;3 (Hopefully sooner than later.) (Also I will double proofread this tomorrow morning but again it is in the middle of the night lol and I wanted to post it I hope its readable? also I do realize this could have <i> maybe </i> been split into two chapters? but wtv it iz what it iz)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Step 5: Tease (Flirt) With Them</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“My boss might kill me,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why, because you’re solving sudoku while working?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m letting </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>disturb me while working,” Soobin glanced to his right, Yeonjun was resting with his arm around Soobin’s shoulder. Now to be fair, he wasn’t supposed to solve sudoku either, but letting a friend hang </span>
  <em>
    <span>behind </span>
  </em>
  <span>the counter was probably too much of a policy violation, if Mr. Han found out, not even Soobin’s irresistible charms could help him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How often does he check the security cameras?” Yeonjun asked, leaned into Soobin a little bit, the chair they were sharing was much too small, but neither of them went into the back to get another one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then it’s cool,” He smiled - Soobin smiled in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun had become something constant in Soobin’s life now. He liked having something like that in his life, constant, persistent, and regular. It was the reason he enjoyed having a set schedule at work, it was why he liked taking the same bus everyone morning with the same people, it was why he loved being friends with Beomgyu. He was much like Soobin, could have his coffee order ready the second Soobin came through the morning, without fail. he always ordered the same thing when they ate out, down to the side dishes, which was nice, because he didn’t make fun of Soobin for doing the same. (See Soobin’s siblings; </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you seriously ordering the same again?”</span>
  </em>
  <span>) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin liked constant things for the same reason you walk on an already worn-out path, it’s comfortable and safe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blond was now, yet another constant in Soobin’s life. He liked to come in after midnight, to pester Soobin while the night was as boring as it could get, only sending a small warning such as “coming in 5 minutes to wait 4 my bus,” or “see u around 1” barley ten minutes beforehand. (Okay, so he was a bit irregular, but it doesn’t change the fact completely though.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, lately, he had begun showing up to the store around the same time Soobin clocked out, so much, Mr. Han had become familiar with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Your friend is waiting outside Soobin-ah,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>He used to say, when he came in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Put the five there,” Yeonjun tapped one of the squares with his index finger, only moved it a centimeter to the side to let Soobin write down the number. “And a three there,” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to do the sudoku yourself?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No...I like watching you do it. You look so...peaceful when you concentrate.” A few seconds passed between them, Yeonjun looked him up and down. “Your ears are turning red, are you embarrassed? Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Soobin pushed Yeonjun, who almost fell off the small portion of the chair he was sitting on. The latter adjusted himself, ended up sitting more in Soobin’s lap than what he did on the chair, which was honestly more comfortable for the both of them. The tips of Soobin’s ears were indeed bright red, but so was Yeonjun’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was inappropriate, Soobin had time to think, it was barely 20 minutes until 7. This meant Mr. Han would probably show up somewhere between now and 10 minutes. It was a dangerous game Yeonjun and Soobin were playing, not only could Soobin’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>boss </span>
  </em>
  <span>himself walk in and see them, the counter was right in front of the entrance - any customer walking in here would instantly be met with the sight of Yeonjun sitting in Soobin’s lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re making me seem unprofessional.” He huffed, wanted the blond to believe he was annoyed - which fell flat when he tightened his hold around him, just to make sure he didn’t fall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun giggled, bumped their heads together, “I don’t see how this can be unprofessional, you’re just letting poor little me wait here for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am the friend Yeonjun-hyung.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But am I waiting for you or not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair, but-” Soobin patted Yeonjun’s lower back, “you need to get up, I don’t wanna get fired for fli- not focusing on work.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun did stand up at the order, but his hands were tightly locked around Soobin’s neck - when he stood up, he forced Soobin to do the same. Being a few inches taller, Soobin bent down, letting himself melt into Yeonjun’s touch. Did whatever he wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You were gonna say ‘flirting at work’, I heard you,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>The blond whispered. Soobin was quiet. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you flirt with me?”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>He led them behind a shelf, at least slightly protected </span>
  <em>
    <span>just in case </span>
  </em>
  <span>someone would walk in. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you like it when I flirt with you?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>All Soobin could do was nod sheepishly - Yeonjun laughed again, like he thoroughly enjoyed it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re so cute I’m gonna die, so cute, so cute, so cute,” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their foreheads bumped into each other, Yeonjun was close, very. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I like the song playing, you owe me a dance, haven’t forgotten that yet right?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin shook his head, of course not - there had to be fair, been an entire month since the two of them went on their first date, or whatever you might call it. So if he had forgotten it one couldn’t really blame him. But it was Soobin we talked about, in reality, Yeonjun hadn’t quite left his mind at all since that day. Whether it was his face showing up hazily in dreams or something he said passing his thoughts for a second. Yeah, he hadn’t forgotten yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To say that their relationship had progressed slowly was a major understatement, it was hard to imagine how slow they were taking things. Soobin liked it that way, because as he had confessed offhandedly (at least he pretended it was,), he had never been in a real relationship. He wasn’t sure at all how it worked. At all. It didn’t make him feel better when Yeonjun told him, in turn, that his experience wasn’t exactly lacking. Maybe not verbatim, but almost. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, I’ve been in a handful of relationships.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That also added another fear to the long list of already existing ones; Soobin </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to take it slow, but who knew how patient Yeonjun could be? He sighed, placed his hands on Yeonjun’s waist, a dance could never hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It seemed like Yeonjun beamed with happiness, clearing his throat, tilting his chin up to seem taller. As he opened his mouth to say something a familiar bell rang. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin pushed Yeonjun off him, like a shockwave exploded; the latter stumbled a few steps backward, looked at the other like he was offended. It took a few seconds for Yeonjun to realize that Soobin didn’t mean much harm by it, his facial expressions softened watching the younger one straighten his back and press his lips together. Soobin twirled around and walked back to the register, bright red from being caught in the act (not really, but what did that matter to Soobin). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Han, you’re early today.” Soobin cleared his throat too, like he had lost his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not so much, 15 minutes until you clock out- What’s the matter boy? Your face is-” Mr. Han’s voice cut off when he came towards the register, where Soobin was once again sitting, the old man caught Yeonjun awkwardly standing in the aisle he and Soobin had previously been in. Maybe he could have passed as a normal customer if it wasn’t for the fact that: </span>
</p><p> </p>
<ol>
<li><span>Mr. Han had indeed seen Yeonjun so many times, he - once again, knew he was a friend of Soobin.</span></li>
<li><span>Yeonjun was standing in front of the feminine sanitary products, equally as red as Soobin now. It was obvious by looking at him, that he didn’t quite belong - or had any interest in buying anything from there. </span></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind.” He huffed and scratched his beard, he could probably not care less. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun took a round in the store, even after Mr. Han had entered the office (a little bit because Yeonjun knew he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>watch the cameras from there, and he still, for some reason, pretended to be a normal customer). The blond grabbed a can of ice tea from a fridge, and went back to the counter, where Soobin sat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be the fucking death of me, Soobin-ah.” He laughed, put two 1000₩ bills in front of Soobin, who picked them up and began nonchalantly count change for the older one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you get for disturbing me while working.” Soobin looked up, from between dark bangs, letting a small smirk spread on his lips. “Wait for me outside?” He proceeded to ask, giving Yeonjun a handful of coins back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m afraid that old man will come out and-” The blond pushed his hair out of his face and tsked, a habit Soobin had noticed he had picked up lately. He stopped in the middle of his sentence, seemingly with no intention to finish it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another habit he had picked up, was, of course, to walk Soobin to the bus. Sometimes the entire way home if the weather allowed it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Yeonjun had to take a step closer to make way for a pair of students, running for their bus, he took the opportunity to intertwine his fingers with Soobin, something they didn’t do too often. Only when Yeonjun is the brave one, not that Soobin didn’t want these things, he just wasn’t one to initiate them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wanna take the bus today?” Yeonjun asked. Soobin shook his head, late summer meant they would have the absolute best weather, even so early in the morning, he wanted to savor every minute of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, shortcut through here then?” He then asked, pointed to where the sidewalk cut off into a small park. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmn,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s hold on him tightened, they hurried up, mostly on account of Yeonjun. He dragged Soobin along with him, through alleys and shortcuts Soobin himself didn’t even know about, the former knew it all, like he had every single street ingrained in his brain. They slowed down their pace, once the sidewalk stopped being surrounded by busy streets - turned into freshly watered grass, small flowers blooming in their beds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They passed a small manmade pond; small ducks were happily bobbing up and down the water, eating the seeds an older man was throwing at them, on the opposite side of the pond. The water was clear and light blue, reflecting the sky above them - not a cloud in sight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin slowed down until he came to a stop, Yeonjun stopped too, staring at the water together with the other one. The blond glanced every now and again at Soobin, like he tried to read his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When you pass stuff like this- small ponds that don’t seem to belong here, but somewhere else, don’t you, like, get some sense of wanderlust…” Soobin mumbled. “Ah like- like you wanna go where they </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> belong, that’s not here? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck- </span>
  </em>
  <span>it doesn’t make sense.” He waved with his free hand, like he wanted Yeonjun to forget about it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I understand. Don’t worry.” Yeonjun’s thumb brushed over one of Soobin’s knuckles. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Fernweh- </span>
  </em>
  <span>like you simply long for a place far, far, away.” [1] </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Whatever that means,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin thought, but the moment passed so quickly he never asked about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop acting like your thoughts don’t make sense. They do, don’t worry.” He assured, once again, Soobin let out a breath he held for no reason. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun let go of the other one’s hand, both probably felt, only now how clammy they were. How empty it felt like without the other. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Stand still, can I take a picture of you?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, but never waited for an answer; instead he took a few steps backwards, until his back nearly hit one of the trees behind them. Soobin looked back, wondering how he was supposed to act, smile for the camera? Pretend Yeonjun was not there at all? </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Relax,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yeonjun mouthed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he tried, let his shoulders roll back a little, he stared down at the water. The water that reminded him of something far away, of a place that perhaps didn’t even exist. He closed his eyes, it didn’t matter - Yeonjun (or the camera) couldn’t see him. Everything disappeared, just for a second. Until footsteps and a delicate hand on his shoulder reminded him of reality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pretty,” Yeonjun leaned into his back, and held the phone steady in front of Soobin’s face, wow, his jacket looked trashed. It was a jean one, probably hadn’t worn it for over a year. He hadn’t noticed the small rips in the back - nor had he ever realized how awkwardly he stood, even when he relaxed. “So pretty,” The other repeated. Zoomed in, particularly on Soobin’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See how the sunrays fall down like it’s rain? When they hit your hair it almost reflects blue. It’s pretty. You are.” Yeonjun giggled a little, assured Soobin as if he had read his mind. His one hand sneaked into Soobin’s, and Soobin could see the other one’s lips curl into a smug smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop flirting,” Soobin murmured, mostly because he was afraid to explode. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t, it’s in my blood.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They snickered, both of them. They went on their way again, there was still a fairly long walk to the café (Soobin’s morning coffee was still essential, at this point - it somehow helped him sleep, how the caffeine had a reverse effect he didn’t know.) Yeonjun was busy with his phone, fiddling and editing the picture he had just taken of Soobin with his free hand. After five minutes, content with himself, he showed it to Soobin and asked, puppy eyes and all, if he could post it. Which he got permission to do, even if Soobin still thought he looked rather wonky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With his mind so occupied, Soobin didn’t notice Yeonjun staring at the treetops above them. Some leaves had begun to turn a shade or two more yellow, a sign that autumn wasn’t too far away. The blond leaned turned his face towards Soobin, causing them both to come to a stop, in the middle of the path they were on. Tiptoeing, he leaned towards Soobin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what “木漏れ日” means? </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Komorebi”, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it’s Japanese.” [2] Yeonjun whispered, his lips were all too close to Soobin’s ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Komorebi is the sunshine that filters and streams through the leaves of the trees.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun led their hands in front of them a little bit. Beams of the sun hit the back of Soobin’s hand, turned his skin nice and golden - spread warmth around his body, as if Yeonjun’s hand wasn’t enough. The sunshine was streaming through the trees down on Yeonjun and Soobin, like it was its only purpose. The small shapes were fascinating, Soobin’s eyes widened and looked at the different circles and ovals, made from the spaces in between the leaves above them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This...this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>komorebi.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeonjun said, almost soundlessly. “Beautiful right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Goosebumps raised on every inch of Soobin’s body. He swallowed nothing but air, his heart beat too fast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know a lot of words, I like it.” Soobin confessed, avoided looking Yeonjun in the eyes, afraid he’d drop dead if he had to watch the brown irises stare back at him. What if the sun reflected in his eyes, made them honey-like and bright? Soobin might melt into a puddle of nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will learn every single one in the world for you then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not “I would,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glanced down at the blond, just for a second. “I told you to stop flirting.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I told you I couldn’t!” Yeonjun pinched Soobin’s cheeks and poked at the fat. “Despite, you suit in red.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Soobin groaned. Began taking big steps forward, Yeonjun laughed - couldn’t keep up with him at first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took them a few minutes to fall back into something more harmonic, sweaty hands linked, Soobin would blame it on the heat if Yeonjun, on the off chance, commented on it. They walked in sync, right foot, left foot, it looked a bit funny, Soobin thought. Right foot forward, left foot forward. They marched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All the way right up to the small café Soobin visited, well, almost every other day. He could see the brunette friend staring at them from inside, blowing raspberries in between wiping down the counter, and filling up the glass display with treats. Soobin pretended he looked at the small menu sitting on the window next to the door, mostly to stall them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes, he really loved Beomgyu but…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well if it isn’t my least favorite people the world, spreading their anti single agenda all up in my face.” Beomgyu glared at them, but began with Soobin’s coffee nevertheless, without a single word from either Soobin or the other. “What does the man who stole my best friend want today?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yah, he’s just walking me home.” Soobin defended, but still let go of Yeonjun’s hand, as if he was suddenly insecure about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have an iced americano, but can I get one pump of vanilla syrup and two pumps of ‘he’s mine now so get over it?’” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu stuck his tongue out at Yeonjun. Both of them stared at each other for a few seconds, before Beomgyu huffed and turned to the drinks. The next time he looked back, the corners of his mouth were playfully curled up into a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The friend handed Soobin his coffee first, exactly how he always made it for him. After yet another minute he reluctantly handed the blond his cup. The brunette had drawn a pretty ugly broken heart on the see-through plastic, written “friend thief,” on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the pair walked out, when Yeonjun finally noticed the writing, he turned around and shouted “And I’ll do it again, he’s mine~ mine~ mine~”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted back, “Never come back,” The café was empty, safe for Yeonjun and Soobin of course, which meant Beomgyu would do these things completely shamelessly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(The only repercussion was of course, Jihyun smacking him on the back of his head, when she heard her employee shout such things at valuable customers. Even if it was “just” Soobin and his friend. Both Soobin and Yeonjun giggled at it, when they saw it go down from outside.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somewhere along the way to Soobin’s apartment, they linked their free hands again, like it was completely unavoidable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for walking me home,” Soobin smiled when he spoke, frankly could not do the opposite. The two of them lingered outside Soobin’s building.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any day,” Yeonjun snickered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They hugged, still rather awkwardly, somehow. Soobin could feel his heart thumping, he was afraid Yeonjun could feel it too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmn, I’ll text you when my classes are over. Okay?” Yeonjun asked, chin still on Soobin’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, talk to you later.” Soobin let go, cleared his throat. “Goodbye, thank you again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Yeonjun whispered back. Walked a few steps backwards, still facing Soobin. Then he stopped, squinted his eyes at the tall one, like he was planning something. Soobin could really see the wheels turning in his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lunged forward, like he had nothing to lose, hugged Soobin’s neck, and placed a wet kiss on his cheek. The smack of lips could probably be heard for miles. Then Yeonjun let go, turned around; waved and giggled when Soobin turned bright red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you to stop flirting!” Soobin yelled. Yeonjun was already far gone, but he heard him loud and clear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Aish. Seriously</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Soobin stroked the small spot on his cheek, his face must really be embarrassingly red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun really has to stop, before Soobin falls in love for real. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>its plotless but its ok bc yeonbin is cute</p><p>[1] Fernweh -  A german expression, roughly means "to long for a place far away," directly translated to "farsickness" (Opposite of 'heimweh', which means homesickness.)<br/>[2] 木漏れ日, Komorebi - Japanese, the sunshine/sunlight filtering through the leaves and branches of trees. </p><p>OKOK thank u for reading i hope u liked this chapter, feel free to leave kudos and comments if you do &lt;3 see u next time!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Step 6: Invite Them to a Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s smug smile was almost unbearable, clicking his two metal chopsticks together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it good?” He asked, pride so big it could fill up the entire room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmnyeah,” Soobin looked at him, his bangs had s grown too long, covering his eyes just a little bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How good? From a scale of one to I should be on masterchef,”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” Yeonjun nodded, “Like, you cook better than my mom.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes lit up, like stars in the sky. “Sheesh, I’m seriously a genius.” He said. Soobin didn’t have the heart to tell him his mother's cooking was only a little bit above average. But still, Yeonjun’s cooking was better than hers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eat more,” Yeonjun pressed his lips together, he was content it seemed. With his chopsticks, he picked up a piece of meat and onion from his own plate, and held it in front of Soobin’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took a second or two, but Soobin ended up taking it into his mouth, albeit reluctantly. Yeonjun smiled, “I like it when you eat well, a full stomach means you will be happy.” He whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah hyung, don’t feed me all of it then. You eat too! Be happy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I am so happy watching you be happy,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin shook his head, like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. His eyes switched between Yeonjun and the plate in front of him, after a full minute of consideration, he picked up his own two pieces of meat and onion, held them in front of Yeonjun. He wouldn’t budge, no, he waited patiently for the older one to take them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which he did, followed his own advice - eating should make you happy, Soobin would be happy watching Yeonjun be happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the first time Soobin had ever been in Yeonjun’s apartment. It was tiny, really, barely 25 square meters even if you count the bathroom. Yeonjun’s bedroom was not only a bedroom, but a living room and kitchen too. The small table fit no more than 2 people, that was clear. Besides the bed pushed into a corner, he had a single armchair and a TV hung on up the wall opposite it. But it was nice, Soobin thought, it was a new building, if you concentrated hard enough, you could still smell the newly painted walls (almost at least, Yeonjun had been living here for over a year, he said, so the paint was not </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>new.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin entered the bathroom, closed the door so soundlessly Yeonjun could barely even hear it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Yeonjun wash up their dishes, humming along to the song coming from his speakers. The walls were thin enough for Soobin to hear the other's heartbeat if he held his breath. Soobin was so nervous, he didn’t know what to do with himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the reflection of the bathroom mirror Soobin could see the apples of his cheeks turn red, he was hot and sweating. He washed his hands in cold water, hoping that would cool him down. He filled his palms with the water, used it to soak his cheeks - a fruitless attempt to mute the red color. If anything, Soobin concluded after drying it off, it only made them turn an even more intense shade. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin could hear the water turn off in the kitchen, he sucked in a breath and held it - as if Yeonjun wouldn’t hear he was in here, like his existence would cease for a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What was it about Yeonjun? That his being alone could make Soobin feel like this. Was it because he invited Soobin home to him, on one of the few days a week he’s off work? Because he explained, thoroughly and proudly while cooking exactly what he was doing, just in case Soobin would suddenly cook it himself? Because he lit a candle in between them, and dimmed the lights, mumbled to himself even when Soobin could hear him? </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I hope this is romantic enough.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let out the breath and walked out again. Yeonjun was spread out on his bed, switching between channels on the TV. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come sit,” Yeonjun murmured, Soobin wasn’t sure if he meant on the bed, next to him, or in the armchair not </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>far from him. Soobin’s fingers grazed the backrest of the chair, Yeonjun glared at him. As if his gaze was asking Soobin what he was doing. Okay, the bed it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carefully, Soobin scooted down by the other, he lifted Yeonjun’s legs, placed them down on his lap again - after he rested his back against the wall and got comfortable. Even the simplest touches made Soobin tremble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun ended putting on a movie, though his interest was more focused on the game he was playing on his phone than what it was on both the movie and Soobin - who had begun to yawn every five minutes. Movies weren't his thing at all, his attention span wasn’t long enough for them. Despite, with the blinds closed and the low volume, it reminded Soobin a bit too much of his weird nightly ritual of no light, music, and <em>sleep.</em> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>30 minutes passed, or something like that, Soobin’s eyes were droopy and hazy, he lost the plot of the movie - completely. He barely opened his eyes when Yeonjun stood up and went to the bathroom, even if his lap was suddenly empty and the commotion should have been enough to wake him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took too long in there, the bathroom so to say, Soobin took the sweet little opportunity to lay down, comfortably place Yeonjun’s pillow under his head and pull a blanket half-assed over his shoulder. The movie was still on, when Soobin opened his eyes and tried to concentrate, he realized he must have missed too much of the plot, nothing made sense really. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck it-“ </span>
  </em>
  <span>he closed his eyes, nuzzled into the pillow. 2 minutes and he’d be fast asleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got a food coma?” Yeonjun whispered into Soobin’s ear. Poked at his cheek fat. Soobin nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cute,” he laughed, straddled Soobin. Circled his arms around his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin didn’t have to open his eyes to know that Yeonjun’s face was in the crook of his neck, to know that his heart was beating against his own, to know that the air between them was shared. Soobin stroked Yeonjun’s back, his shirt rode up a little bit, Soobin caught a glance of the exposed skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nap, just a little nap?” Soobin murmured, into the other one’s ear. It was warm - comfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little nap,” Yeonjun nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five minutes passed, maybe 10, definitely not more than 15. Soobin woke up from the repeating buzzing from his back pocket, the faint sound of his ringtone. Yeonjun groaned. “I’m sorry,” Soobin whined, managed to fish up his phone after a full 20 seconds of it ringing (it wasn’t easy, with Yeonjun’s full weight on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>1 missed call from Mom. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One unanswered text from his mom too, came in not more than 2 seconds after the attempted call ended. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shinhye-yah told me you checked plus one for the wedding, who? Girlfriend?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The question was probably made to sound like she was interested, maybe she was, but Soobin could hear her </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>harsh voice, as if she was blaming him for something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed. Tried to figure out himself what he would answer, he didn’t even know. Maybe if he had actually confirmed with Beomgyu he’d bring him, but it had been ages since he got the invitation, and ages since he even brought up with Beomgyu. He probably already has his work schedule for the entire next month, who knows if he can get a whole 4 day weekend off now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Baby, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin-ah?” Yeonjun turned his head, he could barely glance at the other one’s phone from there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin typed something, stared at his phone for a second, deleted the message again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m...my sister is getting married in three weeks or something like that and–“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I told my entire family I would bring a plus one, which- sucks, to begin with. Like first of all, I don’t even wanna go, and I have no one to go with, feels so awkward to ask someone. You know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, weddings are great, I’d love to go to a wedding.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe weddings, in general, are great. But- any wedding </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>family is involved with is gonna suck. Ass.” <em>"I would explain it to you, but I don't know know if y</em><em>ou will understand." </em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oooh, vulgar words.” Yeonjun snickered and slid off Soobin, resting pressed to his side instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin huffed, he didn’t want to say it out loud; a little bit afraid he might be dramatic, but vulgar words were fair when it came to his family. His siblings were fine, he guessed, they never did anything wrong - intentionally. But there was a reason he didn’t go home anymore, there was a reason his stomach filled with lumps of anxiety when his parents' contact info flashed on his screen, either as a text or call. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He typed out a new message, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“idk who, I’ll double check with beomgyu,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>he deleted that too. Yeonjun watched him type and delete a handful of messages, seemingly no idea what to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been years since I last was at a wedding.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never been to one,” Soobin mumbled, eyebrows furrowed. Yeonjun sighed, it seemed the younger one had missed his hint. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(Not really, but Soobin really thought it was awkward to ask people to be his plus one at a wedding, as if the event was something </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>too intimate.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For real, he wanted to ask Yeonjun, but if he himself didn’t die from nervousness asking, his parents would die if Soobin brought anyone that was not a girlfriend, especially a </span>
  <em>
    <span>guy </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was more or less (more) romantically involved with. Maybe that's what would make the wedding a little bit more fun, if his parents happened to die because he brought Yeonjun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin turned his head towards Yeonjun, their noses almost touched. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” he coughed out. “I mean, I might– need someone...who...knows how to act at a wedding, with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a good idea, indeed.” Yeonjun nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin nodded in agreement. “You know someone like that?” He asked, looked down at Yeonjun’s light caramel-colored eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might know of someone,” The other one answered, had a figuring look on his face. “Choi Yeonjun, have you heard of him? Very nice, and hot, sexy, showstopping.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool, do you think he’ll go with me? Even if I ask barely three weeks in advance?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. He will be thrilled.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun flashed his teeth in a big smile. Soobin smiled too, it was smaller, but just as genuine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, I’ll bring a friend.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin typed out, looked at it one more time - sent it before he had time to regret it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blond’s hand found one of Soobin’s earlobes to play with, they were awfully close, like never before. He leaned forward a little bit, placed a quick peck on Soobin’s cheek. Then, another one. The moments barely had time to pass before the next one began. A kiss each on the apples of his cheeks, then one on each side of his jawline. One that was just barely a centimeter away from the corners of his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun sat up, climbed over the other one, straddled his thighs with his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their hands intertwined, Soobin took a deep breath when the blond began leaning down. This was it, yes, first kiss and all. 15 centimeters, 10- 7- 5- 2 centimeters. Their noses touched, their lips grazed - Soobin prepared fully for what seemed to come. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hyung! Hello! Are you home?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>A series of rapid knocking came from the door, Kai’s high voice was on the other end. Yeonjun stopped, looked up, Soobin sucked in his breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh- the door is open? We are coming in!”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Taehyun’s voice echoed, almost immediately after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun didn’t have time to even utter “no don’t,” before the two young friends came through the door. Both stopped at the threshold, looked at the two on the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you call!?” Yeonjun sat up, climbed off Soobin. “You can’t just come barging in here!” His voice was sharp and nervous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We did call, like 10 times,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you di-“ Yeonjun fished up his phone from his pocket, “Oh-“ They </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> call like 10 times, and sent about a dozen texts, all preparing Yeonjun that they were indeed coming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need my bag, that I left here yesterday.” Taehyun said, and picked it up from the floor. His lips pressed together into a thin line, Kai’s cheeks were dusted pink; glancing between his older friend and Soobin. As if </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>had any reason to be embarrassed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All four of them looked at each other, trying to figure out if there was anything left to say. Soobin grew redder and redder, as the reality of what had happened slowly started setting in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about...disturbing you guys,” Taehyun laughed a little bit behind his hand, then he grabbed Kai by the wrist and dragged him out the door; that still stood ajar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun blew raspberries after them, and locked the door. He looked back at Soobin, who sat up on the blond's bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorryyyy~” Yeonjun whined, slumped down between the other. The moment had passed, more or less, Soobin couldn’t get himself to really look at the blond. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Soobin patted Yeonjun’s hand, took it slowly into his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun ended up putting on another movie, a movie both of them could actually watch, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“promise not to fall asleep now?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>They leaned against each other, let their clammy hands stay intertwined. Soobin’s cheek pressed against the other one’s head, he listened to their calm breathing, slowly syncing up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun was setting outside, small golden rays escaping into the room through blinds not closed all the way. Yeonjun mumbled something about the movie, pointed at the screen as if he was annoyed. His voice was shrill and loud, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you stupid?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He yelled at the TV, Soobin laughed a little bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glanced down at the blond, who; barely 40 minutes ago sat straddled over him, confident and certain of himself. Eyes much sharper than now, a little bit darker. Now his lips had turned into a displeased pout, his eyes were no longer on Soobin - but on the TV instead (which, to be honest, was fair - they were watching a movie after all). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Soobin believed he was brave enough to confess what he felt, when the blond’s intense eyes weren’t on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hyung I really like you,” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just five simple words, just a short little sentence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thoughts were interrupted by Yeonjun clearing his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Soobin-ah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mnmm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is gonna sound stupid, but I just need to make sure,” The light brown eyes looked up at Soobin between blond bangs and long eyelashes. “You did want me to go to the wedding with you right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin giggled, stroked Yeonjun’s knuckles with his thumb. “Yes, I do want that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin could practically see the smile on Yeonjun's face from his periphery, it was proud and content. There was something unexplainable seeing it, in <em>feeling</em> Yeonjun squeeze his hand. To feel warm from just being in the presence of someone who made you feel like <em>home.</em></span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*cocks gun and holds it against my reflection in a mirror* "do NOT delete this just because you feel slightly dissatisfied" </p><p>thank u for reading uwu, lol there will be 2? more chapters i believe? unless i split them a little bit then like 3, but yes! so you know we r getting towards the end. i rllyt rlly hope you like it so far, please let me know if you do!  (and well, tell me if you dont too, ill take any constructive criticism) </p><p>see u next time &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Step 7: Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soobin stared up at the big screen above them, orange neon words on a dark background, so many letters and numbers made him nauseous, especially when he couldn’t find the right ones. </p><p> </p><p>A familiar hand found his lower back, sneaked up underneath the black jacket, kneaded the skin there. </p><p> </p><p>“Look, don’t worry,” Yeonjun pointed up at the screen, “that’s our train, 403. We have a whole hour to kill, it’s okay.” </p><p>“Okay.” Soobin nodded, absentmindedly, it was slightly comforting to finally find the train he and Yeonjun were getting on. Yet, it felt a bit...weird. Like reality hadn’t set in quite yet, like Soobin wasn’t even really aware that he was here, together with the blond. </p><p>“Do you want to go buy something before we leave? Coffee?” </p><p>“Uhm, the weather forecast said it was gonna rain on Sunday, I need an umbrella, and some-” Soobin trailed off, forgot what he was about to say; hypnotized by the timetable. Like the minutes would go by faster if he stared at the watch. </p><p>“Oh- I have that umbrella I borrowed like, months ago, literally.” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun pulled both Soobin and his suitcase towards a wall not far from them, where they didn’t have to stand like two pillars in the middle of an ocean of people. He crouched down, opened it slightly - it took him a minute, but he finally shot back up on his feet, with an umbrella in his hands and a face that screamed <em> “ta-da!” </em> </p><p> </p><p>The older one walked around Soobin, zipped his big duffel bag open, and shoved it in there along with almost <em>but not </em>really folded clothes and other necessities. The small difference between Yeonjun and Soobin, was just that. Yeonjun was dragging a small actual suitcase, because this was a vacation (anything that required a train to travel there, was to be fair, considered a vacation for him). Soobin, on the other hand only packed a duffel bag, just like he did a few years ago, when he lived closer to home, and visited his parents every other month for a weekend. A duffel bag only filled with the things he <em> really </em>needed, nothing more, nothing less. Not this time either. It was just his duffel bag and well, the garment bag with his black suit, which was the only thing on Soobin that currently looked to be out of the ordinary. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun massaged his shoulders from behind, his nose grazed the skin on Soobin’s neck. </p><p> </p><p>“Will you be alright?” He asked, tender and soft, like his words would only travel to Soobin’s ear and not a meter further away. </p><p>“Yeah,” Soobin took a deep breath. “I just have to- get on the train and take it from there.” </p><p>“Then we will do that, one step at a time?” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin nodded, yeah, something like that. He intertwined his hand with the other one’s, who seemed to squeeze it happily, especially when Soobin was the one to initiate it first. (Even something as simple as a hand holding still made their stomachs fill with butterflies.)</p><p> </p><p>The next time he looked down, they were in their seats, which was weird, Soobin hadn’t noticed time went by so fast. </p><p> </p><p>Oh, the train was rolling already, Soobin could already see the conductor walking down the narrow aisle towards them. He could already see the urban scenery grow blurry outside. Yeonjun’s hand was still intertwined with his. The older one’s caramel eyes looked up at him, earphones in one ear - holding up the other one towards Soobin. <em> “You want it?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>Soobin took it, carefully put it into his ear, waited for Yeonjun to put something on. But he never did, or; at least it took time. </p><p> </p><p>“Soobinie? Are you sure you are okay?” </p><p>“I’m- nervous,” He sighed, just a little bit. “I haven’t seen my parents for months.” </p><p>“You wanna talk ‘bout it?” </p><p> </p><p>A moment of consideration passed, Yeonjun leaned his cheek against Soobin’s shoulder. The latter thought, then he nodded, almost at least - maybe it was more inside his head than anything. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s just…” He began, speaking in a low, hushed, voice. </p><p> </p><p>It was both very simple; Soobin’s parents didn’t understand him, and had never really put in any effort in trying either - but it was complicated too. In the worst ways possible. </p><p> </p><p>See, Soobin was the youngest of four. Every one of his siblings shining bright like stars, and from the moment he was born, it seemed Soobin was doomed to be a dead star in the galaxy he called the Choi family. Dull and colorless - bound to explode one day. He had been over this, many times in his head (and, once or twice out loud), he couldn’t be like his siblings. No, not smart and popular like Shinhye, athletic and charming like Soogeun. talented like Siyeon. And even if he came close to them, any time really, it was never enough. His fingers could never reach quite as far, he couldn’t run fast enough, if anything he was always the one crossing the finish line last. </p><p> </p><p>He could argue that it wasn’t his parent's fault for not putting in the energy either. They probably felt a little bit like a failure. In the end, they got three perfect children, and the last one...well wasn’t really <em>that </em>at all. He caused trouble for himself, and himself only, gave up it seemed - at life. The first, and only one not to go to college, the first and only one among his siblings to graduate with an average grade of B minus, which wasn’t even <em>bad. </em> Then of course, the first, and only one in his family to abuse drugs (now, these were his parent's harsh words, nicotine was hardly a drug in Soobin’s own eyes). None of these things, alone, made Soobin lesser of any kind. He learned this later in life, long after he moved away from home. </p><p> </p><p>Better late than never, he guessed. </p><p> </p><p>“Have you never felt misunderstood?” Soobin whispered- asked. He spread out his fingers, watched how small Yeonjun’s hand looked hugging his. </p><p>“Um, sometimes I guess. But- not like how you describe it, I think.” </p><p>“It’s terrible, I don’t feel at <em> home </em>when I go home. I feel like a stranger.” He scoffed a little bit. “It’s stupid, because my parents fed me and I’ve had a roof over my head, they loved me too, I guess. But I don’t belong there, with them. Like a black sheep.”</p><p>“You know, have you ever opened a book, and you just can’t understand it? Like the words are written in gibberish?  It doesn’t matter that the book is right in front of you, open, because it’s still incomprehensible.” Soobin continued, he glanced outside the window - scattered trees and buildings. The sun was setting on the horizon. 1 hour left until they arrive, at least he thought the voice over the speaker said something like that. “I thought I would be understood without words.” [1] </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun sucked in a breath, Soobin could smell pity on him, “What about Beomgyu?” </p><p>“It’s- he- he understands me in some ways. Have you ever, read the plot of a book on fuckin’– on wikipedia, and you kinda get what it’s about? It feels like that, most of the time. But <em> he </em> makes me feel at home at least, it’s nice. I almost only feel like that with him and-” <em> “with you.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>It felt a bit embarrassing to confess it right here, so he kept quiet. He’ll save it for something more romantic, maybe for their first kiss. </p><p> </p><p>“I know this weekend will be a bit tough, but it will be over in a second, see- you said we would arrive pretty late to the hotel tonight right? And then tomorrow it’s just the rehearsal dinner, the only <em> really </em>rough day will be Saturday, during the wedding. Then we go back as soon as possible on Sunday, if that’s what you want. Hmm?” Yeonjun asked, placing a small kiss on Soobin’s shoulder. It burned through his jacket. </p><p>“Yeah.” Soobin responded by sucking in a breath, the other one patted the back of their intertwined hands with his free one. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin leaned his forehead against the cold window, it almost felt like he was about to get a brain freeze. Yeonjun’s head is still on Soobin’s shoulder, this - much like everything about him feels like <em> home </em>. In a big city like Seoul, in a world with billions of people, you need something that reminds you of a home. Like the convenience store Soobin works in, or well, Yeonjun. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take more than 15 or 20 minutes before Soobin began to recognize familiar buildings and landmarks, all belonging to the town he grew up in. It’s dark, but the closer they get to the center the more it lit up. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t help but collapse on the bed when they arrived at the hotel. It’s a heavy feeling being here, Yeonjun noticed it already when they stepped off the train - like Soobin was <em> allergic </em>to the air. </p><p> </p><p>The blond stroked his back, it made Soobin stretch his arms over his head, made him bury his face further down into the pillow. Yeonjun sat down, on the edge of the bed next to Soobin, the older one rarely saw him this turmoiled - yet calm. </p><p> </p><p>Carefully he placed a kiss on Soobin’s hair, who giggled, and touched the spot, almost as if to check if he could feel the shadow of it. </p><p> </p><p>“Tomorrow, during dinner - am I a friend or something else?” The question came after a long moment of thinking, it made Soobin turn around. Yeonjun looked at him, it didn’t seem like he’d be disappointed in any of the answers, he even bore a small smile. </p><p>“I’ve never...had the conversation with my parents, do you mind- just being a friend?” Soobin liked how it sounded, <em> just </em> being a friend. There’s something more. They are something more, even if they haven’t <em> said </em>it explicitly and out loud. </p><p>“Okay,” Yeonjun muttered, then with his tongue sticking out and eyebrows furrowed in concentration he pushed Soobin to the middle of the bed. Then he scooted in next to him, threw an arm over his chest, bored fingers found an earlobe. “You’ll get through it, dinner is only for what? Two hours? Maybe three?” </p><p> </p><p>In response Soobin nodded and hummed, yeah, three hours tops, he’s got it. </p><p> </p><p>“You’ll just have to listen to your dad make some bad toast and maybe your brother will have a whole speech about your sisters' fiancé never hurting her because ‘<em> or else’ </em>you know? It might suck- but...it’s an experience?” Yeonjun mumbled, Soobin noticed that he wasn’t the only feeling like death - or deathly tired. </p><p> </p><p>Both fell asleep there, over the covers and in each other's arms, it was probably not even past 9 in the evening, but it was needed. Like a full 12 hours of sleep would be the only thing getting Soobin (and Yeonjun too for that matter, he would have to meet half of Soobin’s extended family) through the evening. They both woke up, later in the morning when the sun peeked in through the window, they had forgotten to close even the curtains the night before. They were sticky with sweat and still wore the same clothes they arrived in, bags left just inside the door, and phones almost out of battery. Soobin left the bed first, while Yeonjun rolled around and groaned - the former looked back on the one on the bed. <em> “Let’s go~”  </em>he yawned out, before shooting him a supporting glance. </p><p> </p><p>The dinner went better than what Soobin expected it to, the bar was low, really, but still. Soobin didn’t know if it was because his mother was so stressed about wanting everything to be perfect (even more than his sister, whose most-used words that night was <em> “It’s okay mom! Take it easy mom!”) </em>, but she didn’t greet Soobin more than with a slight hug and a pinch to his cheeks. Except for that, he didn’t actually talk to her more at all. His father held a really bad toast, like Yeonjun had predicted, Soobin knew the moment he clinked his glass with his spoon that it would just be 3 minutes of awkward stuttering and stumbling over words. But Shinhye beamed, she looked at him with awe, which actually filled Soobin with a sense of envy. </p><p> </p><p>One too many relatives asked what Soobin was doing with life, after three times he was tired of repeating <em> “No I’m still not in college, no I still don’t have a girlfriend, NO my life is still disappointing and embarrassing.” </em>After the fifth, it took all of his energy not to leave the premise altogether and smoke an entire pack of marlboro. </p><p> </p><p>Soogeun, Soobin’s brother, got along very well with Yeonjun; the second he found out the blond had played soccer in high school as well he was almost leaning over the table discussing techniques and positions and players. All of which Soobin ignored, but he liked that Yeonjun got along well with him. Shinhye was occupied too, most of the dinner - she and Soobin only crossed paths a few times, they only hugged hello and goodbye. </p><p> </p><p><em> “Oh you are staying at the hotel too?”  </em>Siyeon asked, she seemed surprised, but implied that she was staying there as well. She didn’t ask why, when Soobin replied that yes they did, she probably knew that Soobin would rather stay there than in the chaos that was their childhood home now. Filled with bridesmaids, wedding-related stuff and other relatives who needed a place to stay in. Not to mention that Soobin would have to endure unnecessary interaction with his parents. It was not spoken about, but every sibling knew that Soobin didn’t share the same relationship as they did with their parents. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin and Yeonjun shared a cab with Siyeon as they rode back to the hotel, they saw some maintenance workers setting up and decorating a big ballroom for the wedding tomorrow. Coincidentally the three of them all stayed on the same floor. </p><p> </p><p>“I need like 19 cigarettes and two therapy sessions,” Soobin sighed when they closed the door behind them, Yeonjun laughed and slid off his jacket, before hanging it up on one of the hangers. </p><p>“But you got through it,” </p><p>“Thank god mom was so busy today, I <em> almost </em>hope she’s the same tomorrow and dotes on Shinhye all the time and just- leaves me alone.” </p><p>“Mmhm, I understand, you can hope for it for real, I’m not judging you.” </p><p>“Thank you~” Soobin hummed, bent down a little to circle his arms around Yeonjun. Who is taken aback a little, too used at being the one to initiate these things. But he accepts it more than gladly. Wrapping his own arms around the taller one’s shoulders, tip-toeing to reach. Yeonjun’s nose grazed over the skin below Soobin’s ear, he could smell the strong perfume, it’s sweet - Yeonjun tried to put his finger on it. <em> “Ah- vanilla.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>Soobin leaned back a little, to see Yeonjun’s whole face. His smile dropped, his eyes turned a shade darker. God, Soobin wanted to kiss Yeonjun <em>so </em>bad. He’s ready, it’s time. Their first kiss, now-</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun walked backwards, dragging Soobin with him. The blond could see what the other one thought, like it was written on his forehead. He leaned back on the bed, followed by Soobin. </p><p> </p><p>“Soobin-ah?” Someone knocked on the door, no- not someone. Soobin’s sister. Her voice sounded slightly distressed and restless. </p><p>“Siyeon? Wh-“ Soobin hurried to stand up, tucking in his shirt in his pants all while walking to the door. He opened it, carefully, only 10 centimeters at first. </p><p> </p><p>She was biting her nails, she was <em>nervous. </em>He opened the door fully. It took her a second to say anything, her mouth was hanging open, just enough for Soobin to see her front teeth peek out underneath her lip. She looked between Yeonjun on the bed and Soobin in front of her. </p><p> </p><p>“Can we talk? Just a minute, outside?” Soobin saw a white carton flash in her hand, though it was nearly invisible. Soobin understood she wouldn’t take no for an answer, he knew his sister after all. Gentle face but stern voice and stubborn with demands. </p><p>“Mmm.” </p><p> </p><p>It was kinda funny, Soobin thought - as Siyeon, his own sister. Big elder sister, a <em> perfect </em>role model and the one Soobin should always be able to go to for advice - lit the cigarette in his hand. And then the one in her own. </p><p> </p><p>How come Soobin’s parents didn’t shake their heads in disappointment towards Siyeon? Or did they just not know? To be fair, Soobin smoked to get attention, he assumed this was a dirty little secret in Siyeon’s eyes, a bad habit she couldn’t get rid of. </p><p> </p><p>“I know you, mom and dad- your relationship isn’t the best. And it’s probably not my business, but I could <em>see </em>how close you were to <em>explode </em>today, and you barely even talked to mom. You can’t do that tomorrow.”</p><p>“You think I’m doing it on purpose?” </p><p>She looked at Soobin, sleek black hair framing her face. “I don’t know, maybe not today, maybe not all the time. But I know you ‘least liked to add fuel to the fire.” </p><p>“That’s not true.”</p><p>“So why have you been smoking in our backyard since you were 15? It's just to get a reaction out of them, fuel to the fire.” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin turned around, back facing Siyeon. If he squinted hard enough he could see his and Yeonjun’s window. If he held his breath he could hear the large fountain behind the hotel and the water running. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s your point, <em> big sister </em>?” </p><p>“I know it’s hard, and I’ll talk to mom and dad too, but can you just pretend you guys don’t have all these issues with each other?” </p><p>“Oh my god, you- you say you understand and you say you get that it’s hard,” He threw the bud on the ground, stomped on it with his black off-brand adidas slippers. “Do you think I want mom and dad up my ass? Like, do you <em>think </em> I want them to ask if I have a girlfriend and then be disappointed when I say no? Like I deliberately ’ruined’ my life to somehow bring shame to our family- bring shame to you guys? Because they had three perfect children and then they got me! You-  you- I…” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin cut his sentence short, he didn’t know how to continue it; except the now very old and repeated “you don’t understand.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry,”  He promised, promised <em>something </em>he didn’t really know what it even was, don’t mess it up or don’t cause a scene. Surely something like that. </p><p> </p><p>The ride up in the elevator was quiet and awkward, mostly because Siyeon had hurried after Soobin, and was adamant about going up with him. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she muttered, when Soobin swiped the hotel key to his door. He didn’t answer her, couldn’t quite get the right words out. </p><p> </p><p>It beeped, the door. Soobin slipped in, the shower was running inside the bathroom. Maybe Yeonjun heard that Soobin came back, or he felt the other one's presence through the walls, upset and stressed. </p><p> </p><p>Something at least, Soobin didn’t even get to the bed before the water turned off, didn’t even have time to kick off the slippers before Yeonjun came out of the bathroom with hair soaking wet and clothes sticking to a body that wasn’t dry yet. </p><p> </p><p>He sat down on the bed, thigh to thigh with Soobin. Turned his head towards the other one, Soobin stared straight forward - at nothing. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun took a deep breath, vanilla had been replaced by smoke and defeat. </p><p> </p><p>“Beomgyu would probably burn you at stake if he knew about this,” Though he didn’t say it out loud, he implied it was because of the sour smell of smoke on his shirt. </p><p>“What about you?” Soobin asked, glanced down on Yeonjun. </p><p>He shook his head. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin smiled, Yeonjun kissed his temple and squeezed his hand. </p><p> </p><p>They bought a definitely overpriced movie on the hotel TV, it sucked - was <em>almost </em>not worth it at all. But whenever Yeonjun laughed and pointed out the horrible acting or overdramatic CGI Soobin chuckled too, forgot for a second that his stomach was wild because of anxiety and chest heavy like stone. </p><p> </p><p>Honestly, Soobin wasn’t surprised at all when Yeonjun fell asleep first, head on Soobin’s chest and fingers limp in the crook of his neck, from where they had previously played with the end of his hair. Soobin hoped to fall asleep too, with ease, like the blond next to him. </p><p> </p><p>Tsk tsk, of course not, when the movie shut off the room turned dark. Soobin could only see the faint outlines of the different pieces of furniture. </p><p> </p><p>Not so suddenly, the uncomfortable reality of everything started to set in. The fact that his arm was asleep and trapped under Yeonjun, the realization that he had to use the bathroom. The hours about to tick by - welcoming the morning too soon, reminding him of exactly everything that could go wrong about tomorrow. </p><p> </p><p>One thing at a time, bathroom first. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun stirred in his sleep when Soobin rose from the bed, but didn’t seem to wake up. </p><p> </p><p>However, the blond whispered “can’t sleep?” when he came back. It startled Soobin, made his heart skip about nine beats. “No, it’s too...quiet.” </p><p>“Come,” He whispered again, eyes closed and hands searching for Soobin. Once found, he dragged him towards him - forced them both to lie chest to chest. Despite Yeonjun being the smaller of them two, he stroked the back of Soobin’s hair, before resting his chin on the top of his head. </p><p>
  <em> “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine-”  </em>
</p><p>“Are you singing to me?” Soobin snickered quietly, nuzzled his head into Yeonjun’s shirt, smelled the faint scent of <em>hotel soap.  </em></p><p>“Yeah, so shut up.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You make me happy when skies are gray </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You'll never know dear, how much I love you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please don't take my sunshine away,”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>In time for the third verse Soobin was a goner, dead asleep, he didn’t even notice the delicate kiss on his forehead, before the blond finally went back to sleep too. </p><p> </p><p>“Wake up,” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun pushed Soobin’s face out of his own, the ringing he had just picked up in his dream was apparently <em>not </em>just imagination. The older one was visibly annoyed, grunting and whining until Soobin finally reached towards his phone to turn the alarm off. </p><p> </p><p>Why did the feeling of a hangover wash over Soobin the moment he opened his eyes? </p><p> </p><p>Sunlight spilled in from underneath the curtain. Soobin could taste the remnants of the tobacco and nicotine on his tongue, and smell what Yeonjun could yesterday. Sour smoke, defeat. Instead of getting out of bed, Soobin dragged the covers up to his shoulders and faced away from the other. </p><p> </p><p>“No,” He replied.</p><p>“No what?” Yeonjun asked, in the middle of a yawn. </p><p>“I’m not waking up,” </p><p>”You’re already awake,” </p><p>“No, I’m dead,” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin felt the sudden blow of a breath on his neck, his hair raised. Yeonjun poked his waist, underneath the covers. “I’ll kick you out of bed,” he mumbled. </p><p>“Why, you haven’t even gotten up yet,” </p><p> </p><p>As an act of defiance, Yeonjun hurried to stand up. Soobin glanced to his side, the blond one’s hair stood up in every direction possible, the shirt was wrinkly and the print worn. Despite his face being puffy and sleep ridden he did his best to look awake and alert. </p><p> </p><p>The blond lowered his chin, like he was saying <em> “okay but I’m up now, your turn,”  </em>Soobin shook his head in response, he then closed his eyes in content - as if he was the victor. For three seconds the peace passed before his sheets got ripped off his body. Yeonjun stood at the end of the bed with them bunched up in his arms, a smug smile wide on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>“Please,” Soobin cried out, eyebrows scrunching up together. </p><p>“No, come on, I want breakfast,” Yeonjun dropped the sheets on the floor below him, “If you’re not up when I come back from the bathroom I’ll smother you. That’s a threat.” </p><p> </p><p>Though the idea of getting smothered didn’t sound so bad, Soobin hesitantly dragged himself out of bed, almost at least. He sat at the edge of the bed playing with his slippers when Yeonjun came out of the bathroom three minutes later. </p><p> </p><p>All through eating breakfast and (almost) all through getting ready, Yeonjun held Soobin’s hand. Tightly, fingers intertwined - despite it being sweaty and slightly inconvenient. The blond spent a surprisingly long time on his hair when they came back, it was new and bleached again - a day or two before they left for the trip. And it looked good, Soobin couldn’t even lie, even if he joked how crisp and dry it was up close. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to iron your suit too?” Yeonjun mumbled, back facing Soobin, mind completely occupied with the flatiron. The latter was sitting on the bed, just as occupied with his phone, though he also had to get ready, getting out of the comfort of the bed was just- <em> “not now,” </em></p><p>“No, it’s already fixed,” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun looked back at him, highly skeptical, but he remained quiet, Soobin wasn’t one to care very much if he ended up going with a few wrinkles here and there. </p><p> </p><p>“We are leaving in 45,” The older one said, though it was obvious, between the two of them, Soobin was the one to glance at the time every two minutes. </p><p>“I know,” He sighed, but had at least put on the black pants and buttoned up the white shirt. </p><p>“You need to get food before we go?” </p><p>“Nah, maybe a bar from a vending machine, but dinner was at 7.” </p><p>“Okay,” Yeonjun looked back at Soobin, done with the ironing - the latter didn’t know how he had the patience, it had probably taken over 20 minutes, maybe even 30. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin laid on his stomach, chin resting in one of his hands - waiting for Yeonjun to finish. It was quite peaceful, the older one had put on music, coming from the speaker he had brought. He sat in front of the spotless hotel mirror, fighting for space with the kettle and coffee mugs by the desk in front of it. He put spots of pale concealer on the very few imperfections on his face, if that’s what you could even call it. It was two pimples, and an old scar from his childhood - Soobin would hardly call them imperfections. </p><p> </p><p>He quickly realized that he could probably spend the rest of his life like this, in this tranquility. Like life was made for this, and this specifically - peace. Whether it’s in watching something rhythmic, like the waves on the ocean, or a fire crackling, or in watching someone you- you <em>love </em>just breathe - do their thing. And it’s silent, it’s peaceful, it’s what dreams are made of. </p><p> </p><p>The alarm on his phone quickly shook him out of his daydreaming, the second time today it disturbed him - even worse, reminded him of what he and Yeonjun were actually about to go to. </p><p> </p><p>“We gotta be downstairs in ten,” Soobin stretched, yawned like he was actually ready to go to bed.  </p><p>“You ready?” Yeonjun turned around in the chair, glanced down at the mess on the floor, probably thought to himself that they should hang a sign on the door to let the maid know there wasn’t any idea in cleaning it, they will spend the rest of the day away, and are already leaving early tomorrow. </p><p>“As ready as I can be,” </p><p> </p><p>It takes them yet another second to go, Yeonjun is adamant about holding hands, at least in the elevator down, even if it makes Soobin nervous, the hotel will crowd with guests soon, not to mention the fact that his sister lives on the same floor as them. </p><p> </p><p>On some levels he’s just plain thankful the wedding is being held at the same hotel they are staying in, if the need to escape suddenly fills Soobin his room is just 9 stories up, he’ll get there in seconds. (Though he also gets why Shinhye picked it, the ballroom where the ceremony is gonna be held is grand, not to mention the beautiful garden <em> slash </em>small park in the back, where Soobin just assumes the photos will be taken.) </p><p> </p><p>He takes a deep breath when he spots Soogeun, his girlfriend, and Siyeon down by the entrance to the ballroom, his dad is standing there too - it’s been a long time since he last saw his father so dressed up. </p><p> </p><p>“Ahh~ little brother! You look nice,” Soogeun shouted, even though Soobin and Yeonjun were still far away. </p><p>“You don’t look so bad either,” Soobin and his brother wore matching suits, it was one of Shinhye’s only demands, all guests could wear whatever they wanted, but their family <em>had </em>to match. The women wore beautiful hanboks, the men wore suits, with accessories and details matching the blue and red on the hanboks. Soobin noticed as other guests entered the venue that most people wore suits and dresses, chic and clean - safe for a few guests of the older generation - who also wore hanboks. </p><p>“Ooh- and your date!” He beamed, meaning Yeonjun of course. Their father cleared his throat, and Soobin paled in color (mostly because he was afraid he had seen the two of them, and suddenly decided to expose <em>them </em>). “It’s a joke,” He laughed, almost immediately, shoved Soobin a little - to lighten the mood. </p><p> </p><p>It barely helped. Soobin couldn’t help but glance at Yeonjun every two minutes, as if secretly asking <em> “do you think they know?” </em> all of which Yeonjun responded back with a slight shake of his head and reassuring smile <em> “I’m sure they don’t.” </em> </p><p> </p><p>All guests arrived shortly, filling the big room from one corner to the other, leaving a long row in the middle - where Shinhye would soon walk through. Her fiancé was already at the front, by the altar, standing teary-eyed and excited - it looked like Soobin was experiencing one of those tear-inducing clips he always came across on youtube, <em> wait- </em> he <em> was </em> experiencing one of those tear-inducing moments. (Definitely, half the room was in quiet tears when Shinhye and her soon-to-be husband were done exchanging vows, and then nearly the whole room when Shinhye and her <em> now </em>husband shared their first kiss.) Soobin elbowed Yeonjun in the ribs, whose eyes were red - fighting for his life to hold back tears. “Shut up,” The blond whispered-laughed in response. </p><p> </p><p>After the ceremony they were almost immediately shoved into the garden (as expected) to take pictures of the bridal couple, then of the bridesmaids and bridesmen. The family, their dates, and plus-ones, just about <em>everyone.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Soobin has to admit it feels like he’s been ushered around for the first half of the evening, as soon as they were done with the photos they are rushed back towards the party - where the other guests are in the middle of drinking cocktails and wine - before the newlyweds. They all then cheer and greet them when they come through the door. </p><p> </p><p>Then it’s dinner, Soobin’s mother was the one that was arguably the most stressed out, making sure all of her children were seated together with each other and the guests they brought. Only when everyone sat down and the food was being served did she take a deep breath. </p><p> </p><p>For a solid second, Soobin believed he could handle it, truly. Yeonjun was conversing well with the other one’s around the table, and Soobin was following along - mostly listening though to be fair. His mother didn’t pay much attention to him, which was both relieving and...hurt a little bit, to be honest.</p><p> </p><p>After his father had performed yet another terrible but endearing toast, and the groom’s best man had delivered one of the best roasts Soobin had heard, dinner turned into more mingle than anything. </p><p> </p><p>This, in hindsight, was when it began to go downhill. </p><p> </p><p>Old friends of Soobin’s mother and father (who were probably more important than what Soobin could actually remember, they were invited to the wedding after all), greeted his parents firsthand, chatted gladly when Soobin’s mother turned to the table. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh you know, Soogeun’s doing amazing with his soccer, he’s gone professional, and isn’t his girlfriend gorgeous? <em> Yes you are sweetie! </em>” She cackled, “And our dear Siyeon-ah! Opening up a gallery on Jeju together with a friend, that art school really paid off, yes! It’s very renowned!” </p><p> </p><p>Then Soobin saw her eyes stick on him, her voice faltered for a second, she thought, long and hard what to say. </p><p> </p><p>“Soobin-ah, well he’s living in Seoul right now,” </p><p> </p><p>And that’s <em>all </em>she said. Soobin lives in Seoul, which he guessed wasn’t wrong, in the end. His mother quickly turned back to her friends, continued to converse - Soobin turned to his empty plate and stared down at the nearly invisible scratches, the small pieces of food he left in a pile. Then his ears perked up, <em> “Does he not have a girlfriend?” </em> One of the old friends asked, <em> “Ah no not yet, he brought a friend here, but I’m sure he’ll figure it out, sometime I hope, at least,” </em>His mother answered. They joked, they laughed, and Soobin pretended neither he nor the rest of the table could hear his mother talk about him, as if they weren’t separated by only 4 chairs. </p><p> </p><p>A hand landed on his thigh, he recognized the two silver rings, it’s Yeonjun, of course - who else? It was easier to take a breath when he felt the touch, he hoped that was enough at least. </p><p> </p><p>It’s fine, totally <em>fine</em>, Soobin tried to convince himself at least. He felt the ember at the end of his cigarette burn his fingertip, when it came too close to the filter. Soobin stared around him, at the 3 other men standing here smoking, he wanted to believe he’s nothing like them - mostly because they all look quite...sad, but he feared that’s what made him exactly that, like them. Soobin ran outside, precisely before the first dance, much like yesterday, it was one too many relatives asking about girlfriends he doesn’t have and achievements that are too far away. Half of them asked the same questions yesterday, why they expect a different answer today Soobin doesn’t know, but he can’t provide one. It's all just as disappointing. </p><p> </p><p>He came back to the first note of the song his sister and his father would dance to. She looked nervous, putting her hand on his shoulder and biting the lipstick-painted lips. But they swayed carefully, she put her head close to his chest, exactly where it belonged, a daughter close to her father. It’s beautiful, like déjà vu half the wedding guests wept again - the bride herself no different this time. Soobin too. But he quickly wiped the tears away, when he noticed them rolling down his cheek. </p><p> </p><p>There isn’t much left of the evening. It’s the father-daughter dance, it’s mingling and socializing after that, cake cutting and throwing bouquets. Soobin is sure he and Yeonjun can leave after that. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you wanna dance?” Yeonjun whispered, when Shinhye’s husband took her father's role, and many of the other guests followed, dancing slowly to the beat of the wedding band playing.  Soobin thought about it, he did still owe him a dance - from literally <em>weeks, </em>months even, ago. Yeonjun asked him then if he had forgotten, and to this day he honestly hadn’t. </p><p>“Yeah,” Soobin nodded, reluctantly grabbed Yeonjun’s wrist, he’d rather dance somewhere where every single guest didn’t have to look at them. A corner somewhere was enough. </p><p> </p><p>He dragged them both through people, trying his best to avoid saying hi’s and hello’s to people he’d rather not greet at all. Some still stopped him, mostly old friends of Shinhye who <em>kind of </em>were aware of who Soobin was, enough to feel an obligation to say hi, but not enough for them to have a conversation for more than a minute. They were just small obstacles in his way. </p><p> </p><p>“Soobin! It's been <em> so </em>long!” </p><p> </p><p>Surprised at someone calling his name, Soobin turned around, Yeonjun did too. It took him a second to figure out who it was, well almost at least, he couldn’t quite place her name. But it was the younger sister of one of the girls Shinhye had been the closest to in high school, it wasn’t very surprising to find her here. She and Soobin weren’t exactly friends, but they were somehow more than acquaintances. At least in middle school, which was probably also the last time he spoke to her. </p><p> </p><p>“Wow it- has been. Really a long time,” he chuckled. Her dress was red with intricate patterns, Soobin couldn’t really figure out what it was - a nature pattern of some sort, it seemed. Flowers, leaves, vines - something, Soobin didn't care that much. </p><p> </p><p>She glanced at Yeonjun, who stood behind Soobin. Like it was an obligation,  he introduced the blond too. </p><p> </p><p>“This is Yeonjun, a friend from Seoul,” </p><p>“Ah, nice to meet you, Haewon!” She shook his hand, and bowed to him. The name finally clicked in Soobin’s head, Haewon, of course!</p><p> </p><p>They talked for a minute or two, it was mostly trying to get the other one up to speed on what had happened during the 10 or so years it had been since they last talked. Haewon wanted to become a lawyer, Soobin thought it fit her well - if he remembered her correctly she was always strong-willed and better than most people their age arguing for her sake (even if it was just about being allowed to eat ice cream after dinner). Soobin explained that he hadn’t done much since high school, but was well, living in Seoul, working at a convenience store. Said he liked the simple life, which wasn’t a lie. </p><p> </p><p>After a surprisingly pleasant talk, they bid their farewell, promised to keep in touch (which they obviously would not), and parted. Soobin managed to get about 10 steps further towards the calm and lonely corner where he and Yeonjun could dance, when his name was called again. This time it was his mother, accompanied by his father, one of her arms was encircled around her husband, and the other held a glass of wine. </p><p> </p><p>She looked cheerful, which wasn’t always an expression she bore in connection with talking to Soobin. </p><p> </p><p>“Was that Haewon-ah? Lovely girl isn’t she?” She said, tilted her head a little bit. </p><p>“Mmn, we haven’t talked since we were like 12, nice seeing her.” Soobin’s fingers were still around Yeonjun’s wrist, his index finger was inching down, it wasn’t far until their hands would just intertwine. </p><p>“You know- we still talk to her parents quite a lot, you know they still live in that house down the street,” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin heard already, where this was going. “I’ve heard some rumors that she is single, I’m sure her parents would be happy if she met someone,” Soobin’s mother winked, like she had come up with something amazing, like Soobin would just <em>love </em>her idea. </p><p>“Mom, I don’t- no I’m not interested.” </p><p>“Soobin-ah, honey, it’s time for you to at least try something.” She argued, Soobin could see that this argument would be like talking to a wall. </p><p>“I don’t wanna deal with this now mom, I don’t want you to link us up.” </p><p> </p><p>In a moment of hope, he looked at his father - maybe he’d look at Soobin like <em> “I know she’s crazy haha,”  </em></p><p> </p><p>But he had never been like that, so Soobin didn’t know why he was hopeful at all. Instead, Soobin already began to turn away, wanted to believe that if he and Yeonjun just got to that corner, all of this would disappear, they could just <em>dance </em>and <em>breathe </em>and exist in just each other’s presence. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t walk away from us,” She called, following him a step.  </p><p>“Face us when we are talkingt-” His father cut in. </p><p>“Mom, dad!” Soobin switched his gaze between them, looking at his mother first; then his father. He let go of Yeonjun, and looked back at the blond - who stared at all three of them in some sort of disbelief. They locked eyes, the older one gave him a reassuring nod - like he could read his mind, or maybe Soobin just spoke to Yeonjun in a language only he could understand. “Can we...just move away from a second and talk.” </p><p> </p><p>Somewhere in the crowd, Siyeon caught them arguing. Though she couldn’t hear a word of what they said, none of their facial expressions screamed family love and happiness. She began her walk over to them. </p><p> </p><p>The corner was indeed quiet and lonely, there were a few people here - Soobin could spot the dining table they were sitting at earlier - a good distance away. Siyeon came up behind their parents, but kept her mouth shut, for the better. On the way over even Soogeun must have picked up on the tense atmosphere, even he joined the rest of the family. Almost at least, it was only Shinhye missing, but she was dancing with her new husband, she was happy. If Soobin was about to ruin his parents' life, he didn’t want to ruin his sister's wedding all at the same time.  </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not interested in dating any girls,” He said clearly, there was nothing to argue against. </p><p>“You’re 21, turning 22 soon. There has never been a girlfriend, if not now, when?” </p><p>“Never,” </p><p>“Don’t be dramatic, your mother and I just want the best for you.” His father squinted his eyes a little, his eyebrows furrowed as if in great distress. </p><p>“I’m not getting a girlfriend anytime soon-” Soobin began to sneer, and he realized as soon as the fuze within him had been set ablaze, and caught sight of Siyeon - her words from late last night rang in his ears. Maybe it was true, if he had the chance, he’d add a little bit of fuel to the fire. </p><p>“Okay I’m gonna be honest honey,” Soobin’s mother began, her face grew both sympathetic - but tired. Tired of him. “Haewon is a lovely girl, when we ran into her parents the other day and talked about the wedding, I promised her mother that you would bring her on lunch, just <em> one </em>-” </p><p> </p><p>The lit fuze came to its end. </p><p> </p><p>“No mom,” Unconsciously he took a step in front of Yeonjun, as if that did anything. “I’m not going on any dates with girls you try to set me up with. It’s not because I’m immature or have zero experience with them, even if you think so.” He straightened his back, did his best to sound calm and composed. “I’m not interested in dating girls because I’m dating Yeonjun, he’s my...boy-<em> cough- </em>friend.” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin had never experienced silence like this before. It’s the silence after an explosion, it’s not actually silent - because if you listen you can hear the people screaming, the crackling fire eating up buildings and the violent ringing in your ears. It’s not silent, but the blow of the explosion renders you deaf, just long enough for you to stand up and observe your chaotic surroundings.</p><p> </p><p>Then it comes back, in bits and pieces. Like a glass clinking against a plate five tables away, or the small evening birds singing their songs in the trees outside the venue. It’s his father carefully hitting his chest to help clear up his throat, it’s the watch rattling on his mother’s wrist from her hands shaking around the glass in her hand. Not that she looked mad at all, but there was no denying this was news she didn’t expect. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Soobin apologized, seemingly for nothing, proceeded to turn around and leave them, brushing his shoulders against both Siyeon and Soogeun, whose faces were shocked, to say the least. To any outsider it looked like Soobin was just leaving the small group of people with a destination in mind. Small group and small group, made him sound weirdly estranged, the group was in fact just his family. He didn’t think twice about leaving Yeonjun there with them, which he only started to feel bad about when he had walked way too far away from them, it would just be awkward to go back and get him. He’d apologize to Yeonjun later sometime. He’d apologize to Siyeon later, for breaking the promise of not causing a scene. He’d apologize to his parents again later, maybe on this one, he hadn’t decided yet.</p><p>  </p><p>He found himself walking the path outside the hotel, trying his best to light a cigarette with the wind blowing in his face. The sun had gone down, the moon had risen, so bright it left moon-shadows behind Soobin. Soon he heard the familiar sound of the fountain, that’s good. Go back to the tranquility he felt earlier today, watch something that’s rhythmic, something that can take his mind off everything else for a second. </p><p> </p><p>The bench in front of it was inviting, so Soobin melted into a puddle on it. </p><p> </p><p>How many cigarettes did he have to go through before he had the courage to go back, <em> “oh god I left Yeonjun, with my parents, in the aftershock.”  </em>The realization hit him slowly, if anything he <em> really </em>had to go back, if only for the blond. A rescue mission perhaps, in and out. Soobin was rarely impulsive, thinking ahead of himself, often in tens of steps. Just to make sure everything goes as planned. </p><p> </p><p>It was the first time in long he had been like this, just blurting out whatever like it didn’t mean anything. No- now he’d get kicked out of the house, even if he didn’t live there anymore, his parents would write him out of their will - and when they inevitably met death, they’d come back just to haunt Soobin. (Maybe he was slightly overdramatic, but he was sure they wouldn't throw a celebration party with rainbow balloons and cake for everyone.)</p><p> </p><p>Soobin sunk his head into his hands, felt small pieces of ash fall to his thighs, the water was still rushing in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>Unexpectedly (or not) a hand fell onto his shoulder, firmly. Squeezed him. Not aggressively, at all, no- it was like the person just didn’t speak - this was their way of letting Soobin know that: <em> “hey, I’m here,”  </em></p><p> </p><p>Who else but Yeonjun? </p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” He slid down next to Soobin, lips in a straight line and eyes concerned. “Put that down, you are making your clothes dirty.” Yeonjun lowered the other one’s hand, then brushed the ashes off his pants. “See,” He pointed at the grey streak it left behind. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” </p><p>“You don’t have to apologize to me,” Yeonjun inched closer, so that their thighs touched. </p><p>Soobin put out the cigarette, with almost a whole third of it left. “I just left you there, they didn’t say anything right?” He asked. </p><p>“No-” Yeonjun shook his head, looked up at the sky above them. “I excused myself and your parents just kinda stepped aside, your sister looked concerned, I told her I was going to find you.”</p><p>“Huh,” </p><p>“She told me we should come back to the cake cutting if we could.”</p><p>“Okay,” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin took a breath, steadied himself with his hands before he stood up. Yeonjun followed, happy Soobin agreed without needing so much persuasion. The latter muttered another sorry, before lighting the last cig in his packet, before beginning to walk Soobin took a step in the direction of the fountain. </p><p> </p><p>Lazily he pointed at it, before looking down on Yeonjun - who followed his finger with his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Can you see?”</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“The reflection, the moon?” </p><p>“Yes,” Yeonjun nodded. </p><p> </p><p>Their hands grazed, Soobin turned again and started walking back - Yeonjun hurried up to him - hooked his arm around Soobin’s. </p><p> </p><p>“What about it?” </p><p>“Well,” Soobin cleared his throat, “You teach me so many foreign words and stuff you know, I learned one for you too.” </p><p>“Oh,” Yeonjun’s eyes widened, “Do tell,” </p><p>“Yakamoz; it’s the moonlight that shines on the ocean,” [2]</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun threw a glance back at the fountain they were previously standing by, he hoped Soobin couldn’t hear how loud his heartbeat was. He hoped the tall one wouldn't see him stare from the side, at the sharp features that follow his jawline - yet the soft ones that shape his cheeks and nose. Despite all this, not wanting Soobin to see his admiration, he hoped Soobin knew that Yeonjun had never fallen for anyone like he had for him. Like a child that falls for the moon outside their window. </p><p> </p><p>The life of the party came within earshot again, happy guests singing along to music and dancing - in pairs or big groups. Soobin hurried to put the cigarette out, the absolute first second he spotted his parents in the crowd, he used the closest mirror he could find to make sure he didn’t look like a mess. </p><p> </p><p>Though no one paid them much attention, Yeonjun could see the sheen of sweat forming on Soobin’s forehead, how much his fingers shook - how, even if Soobin couldn’t hear Yeonjun’s heart, the latter could definitely hear Soobin’s. It wasn’t quite enough to whisper that it was okay, or that he’ll get through it. The phrase was so overused by now, Yeonjun wanted to say something else, something that really reached Soobin, something more important. </p><p> </p><p>Nothing left his mouth, they just placed themselves slightly behind everyone else in Soobin’s family, as far as he could from his parents - without seeming rude. Soogeun glanced back, locked eyes with Soobin, he nodded a little bit, like he wanted him to come upfront; Soobin only shook his head and stayed where he was. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t eat anything, only passed the plate over to the closest table he could find and left it there. The nervousness made his stomach flip. </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go now,” Soobin mumbled into Yeonjun’s ear, “I’m just gonna say bye,” </p><p>“Okay,” Yeonjun nodded. Watch the tall man walk over to his siblings. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin started with his sister, Shinhye, she was the main event after all. “It was beautiful,” He mumbled into her hair during the hug she initiated. “Me and Yeonjun are leaving, but it was really- I’m happy for you,”  </p><p>“I missed you so much~ I’m so happy you were here, it wouldn’t have been the same without you,” Her cheeks were a shade pinker, maybe she had had one cocktail too much. </p><p> </p><p>She let go of him, Soobin shook hands and bowed to her husband, who smiled wide and bright. Soobin didn’t know him very well, honestly, despite how long the two had been together, but he was good for her - that’s enough.</p><p> </p><p>Both Siyeon and Soogeun tried to linger with the goodbye, either by holding onto him longer while hugging or trying to persuade him to stay - just for a moment. Shinhye seemed to still be in the blue, so the remaining two siblings were the only two (not counting his parents) who were present when...Soobin exploded. Despite this they were pretty much ignoring it, at least for now. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you will call us when you get home tomorrow, or I’ll come to Seoul and knock your door down.” Soogeun poked Soobin’s chest, his voice was serious and stern - but there was an underlying layer of love in it, something Soobin could only pick up on from knowing his brother since he was born, to anyone else it sounded like a harsh scolding. </p><p>“Okay,” Soobin answered, obviously - didn’t exactly want his door knocked down, if he knew his brother (which he did) there was a big chance of him actually doing that (he would, definitely). </p><p> </p><p>Bowing goodbye to his parents was just all he dared to do, his levels of confidence and courage was not yet high enough to deal with whatever went on in their minds right now. They nodded goodbye too, which Soobin hoped was a good sign.</p><p> </p><p>Hand in hand, Soobin and Yeonjun left the big room, circling around the lobby once to bid their farewells to family members or friends of family members who happened to catch them leaving. </p><p> </p><p>Even after stepping out of the elevator the two of them could hear the faint music from the wedding, even if they were separated by nine whole stories. The music had turned soft and slow, Soobin could definitely imagine the countless couples' slow dancing. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m proud of you.” Yeonjun said while untying his shoes, just inside the door. </p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“Telling them, your parents. I was <em>terrified </em>when I told my parents, so - I’m proud. Really,” </p><p>“Shut up,” Soobin chuckled and pushed Yeonjun a little when he stood up again, it was really just to distract his brain from crying. </p><p>“No~” Yeonjun leaned against Soobin, shoulders the exact perfect height for Yeonjun to circle his arms around. “I will not.” </p><p> </p><p>The older one led them into the hotel room, properly. It was as messy as this morning, clothes littered on the floor and his suitcase a mess. He didn’t care, letting go of Soobin for just a second. He placed his phone on the small desk and turned on his speaker. </p><p> </p><p>“Can you call me that again?” The blond asked, eyes giant and doelike. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Boyfriend, it was so- so- sweet hearing it come from you,”</p><p>“What do you want me to say, that you’re my boyfriend?”</p><p>“Again please,” </p><p>“You’re my boyfriend,” </p><p> </p><p>It was weird hearing it out loud, Soobin giggled at the shorter one smiling so big - made himself blush from repeating the word so many times, over and over again. He rested his forehead in the curve between Yeonjun’s neck and shoulder, hiding his embarrassment. </p><p> </p><p> “You owe me a dance,” Yeonjun mumbled - reminded him. He moved swiftly around Soobin, hurried to change the song playing. The music was similar to the one playing earlier, when Soobin had promised Yeonjun a dance in the first place. </p><p>“Mnm okay,” Soobin nodded, “Since you are my boyfriend, I guess I could.” He held up his right hand and waited for Yeonjun to grab it, which he did after a few seconds, Soobin placed his other hand on Yeonjun’s waist. The fabric of the suit jacket felt soft under his touch. He couldn’t believe how no one had commented on it today, it was beautiful, dark green - with the embroidery on the collars of the white dress shirt underneath, it reminded him of a lace pattern, but less transparent. Soobin wanted to comment on it, to make up for the lack of compliments, but he felt the words falter on the tip of his tongue, like Yeonjun’s beauty had stunned him. </p><p> </p><p>They swayed slowly to the piano coming from the speakers, it sounded like a classical piece, something with a long name that was probably meant to sound poetic. Yeonjun leaned his cheek against Soobin’s shoulder, their chests were pressed together, in such a way Soobin felt his and Yeonjun’s hearts beat against each other. The older one suddenly giggled, Soobin could feel it vibrate against the skin on his neck. </p><p> </p><p>“I know I’m not a good dancer, no need to laugh.” Soobin whispered in his ear, small goosebumps raised on Yeonjun’s nape when the hot breath hit him. </p><p>“It’s not that, you aren’t that bad by the way,” Yeonjun assured, craning his neck so that he could properly look at Soobin from below. </p><p>“Then what?” Yeonjun’s eyes were dark, Soobin could practically see his own reflection. </p><p>“I’m just happy,” He smiled, circled his arms around Soobin’s neck, “To be here with you, getting the luxurious opportunity to dance with someone like <em> you, </em>be in your presence like it’s something rare.” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin laughed, brushed Yeonjun’s cheek with his thumb and secured the fringe behind his ears, ears that had turned red either from the attention or the simple touches. </p><p> </p><p>It turned quiet between them, except of course the music still playing and their slow but painfully obvious breathing. Soobin didn’t know what to do with himself, with Yeonjun this close. It wasn’t like a hug, or like sitting with Yeonjun in his lap when they talked just because they craved closeness, it was even different from sleeping together - even when there wasn’t an inch of space between them. This was <em> so </em> different, in so many ways.</p><p> </p><p>Carefully, Soobin leaned down a little bit, wrapped his arms tighter around Yeonjun. They breathed the same air, they shared the same space, their eyes saw nothing but the other. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you waiting for?” Soobin asked, his face was so close to Yeonjun he could count every single individual eyelash, mole and beauty mark. </p><p>“Nuh-uh, I’m always the one who has to take the first step, Right?” Yeonjun shook his head, his eyes scanned Soobin’s face. “I gave you my number, I always have to link our hands together, or initiate hugs. I kiss your cheeks and wait a second to see if it leads to something else. I’m the one to put on romantic music and ask you to dance. It’s your turn. Hmm?” Yeonjun hummed, waited patiently for Soobin to give in with their noses touching and souls merging. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin wasn’t a weak man or anything - but it would be a lie to say he didn’t fall into a trance to Yeonjun the second he spoke. He couldn’t utter the words “okay”, frankly, he could barely even nod. </p><p> </p><p>It filled his stomach with butterflies when their noses brushed past each other, when Soobin began with a simple peck on Yeonjun’s cheek. Leaving them flushed pink. Soobin wasn’t used to taking the first step, he didn’t doubt that his cheeks were equally as, if not more pink. Maybe to his benefit, the dim ceiling lights disguised them, even if it was just an ounce. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun’s lips parted, a little bit desperately, waiting for Soobin to come closer, if that was possible. </p><p> </p><p>Their lips grazed but Soobin didn’t close the space between them, a small smile spread on his lips when he noticed how impatient Yeonjun grew. At this rate, Soobin wouldn’t end up having to take the first step, Yeonjun’s patience would simply grow thin and he’d lunge forward. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re so annoying-” Yeonjun said, with his teeth gritted, but the corners of his mouth curled upwards nevertheless. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin nodded, he knew he was. He placed yet another kiss on the older one's cheek, moved a centimeter to the side and kissed the corner of his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>There was something scary about a first real kiss, like Soobin wasn’t sure exactly how to go about it. Did he have to wait for the chorus of the song playing for some dramatic effect? Should he take Yeonjun’s hand and spin him around, before roping him into a passionate kiss? Was the simple answer that he just had to lean in and kiss him, nothing too extravagant?</p><p> </p><p>Yes. That was the simple answer, so Soobin went with that, no matter how much his heartbeat went crazy or how much the butterflies tickled the bottom of his stomach. Without another second of doubt he locked his lips with Yeonjun, where they belonged. He kissed him, simple as that. Yeonjun exhaled when they parted for a millisecond, tightened his hold of Soobin and kissed him back. </p><p> </p><p>They melted together, like they were about to become one. It’s gentle, the kissing. Soft and rhythmic. Soobin can taste the lip gloss Yeonjun wore earlier, the same faint vanilla he could smell when Yeonjun opened it and applied a layer after dinner. The older one kissed Soobin in the exact right ways, in some weird sense, it was like the former tried to become closer than what he already was. Like he was trying to tell Soobin how much he liked him without having to speak a word into the universe. As the kiss turned more firm and determined Soobin’s cheeks lit on fire, he used his hand to tilt Yeonjun’s chin into a position that allowed them to deepen it. </p><p> </p><p>This was worth waiting for, every minute Soobin had spent preparing himself for this was <em> worth it, </em>he hoped Yeonjun thought so too. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun giggled into his mouth, “Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin, where have you been my entire life?” He asked, twirled around in his hold and pressed his back to Soobin’s chest. </p><p>“I’ve been waiting for you to find me,” Soobin pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. One kiss wasn’t enough anymore, now that he had gotten the taste of the real thing nothing held him back. Yeonjun laughed, tapped Soobin’s hands to the beat of the music, leaned into him. He could feel the tall one’s heartbeat, against his back - it was just as wild as his. </p><p> </p><p>Almost soundlessly he whispered a “come,” </p><p>Yeonjun dragged Soobin to the window, though to be fair it wasn’t that far...just five steps over two shirts and then another one to reach the windowsill. The moon faced their window, almost at least, the both of them were so close their breathing left a layer of fog. They were so close they could feel how cold the window was. </p><p> </p><p>Carefully, the blond drew a heart in the fog, Soobin followed his fingers. He laughed a little, found the other one amusing too look at. </p><p> </p><p>Just everything about him was...<em> endearing… </em></p><p><br/>Soobin really couldn’t get enough, he didn’t dare to look away from the blond, afraid to miss something. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun stroked Soobin’s cheek with his hand, lifted his other hand too. Used them to cup Soobin’s cheeks. He tip-toed, closed his eyes and leaned towards Soobin again. Lips crashed, almost slower than before - like they were still testing it out. They still swayed to the music, hands roamed free over clothes and into hair, Yeonjun’s back hit the glass. <em> “tsuki ga kirei desu ne,” </em>[3] The latter said, with his lips against Soobin’s. The latter barely heard what he said, hummed an incoherent “huh?” in response. </p><p> </p><p>“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” Yeonjun said again, but didn’t leave a moment for the other to answer, he just continued to leave openmouthed kisses on Soobin’s lips, who lazily reciprocated with equally as openmouthed kisses back. It took him a few seconds to register what the other had said, he opened his eyes - Yeonjun’s were closed before him - then he glanced outside the window behind him. The moon sitting high on the night sky, bright and full. </p><p> </p><p>Beautiful. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>at first i was gonna apologize for taking so long to post this chapter but when i checked how long it was once i was done i realized this chap is a whooping 10k and almost 30 A4 pages long (aka about a third of THIS WHOLE au rn). yeah 🤡🤡. i did not mean to get so carried away. oops. anyways. Step 7, maybe the most anticipated one; the wedding, the <i>kiss</i>,,,,i rlly hope you guys felt this was worth waiting for, let me know what u guys think </p><p>seeing how long this chap was I'll either end this au with two more (shorter, much shorter) chapters, one "official" chap and one epilogue, or just a semi-long epilogue. we will see about that. </p><p>[1] "I thought I would be understood without words." Vincent van Gogh in a letter to his brother Theo.<br/>[2] Yakamoz - a turkish expression. is, just how its described in the text, the moonlight that reflect in the ocean/sea/wtv<br/>[3] "tsuki ga kirei desu ne, 月が綺麗ですね" a japanese expression, directly translated it means "the moon is beautiful, isn't it?" but is actually just a poetic and less pda way of saying "i love you,"</p><p>kudos and comments always appreciated</p><p> <a href="https://twitter.com/hopeonmydick">twitter</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Step 8: Fall in Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Congratulations! You have now completed all 8 steps in the 'Fool's Guide to Fall in Love' if these steps have been followed with precision, you should now have succeeded with the eighth and final stage; falling in love!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Remember what I said-“ Soobin asked, almost at least, his sentence was cut off by the blond hanging off his neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Yeonjun giggled, he really didn’t. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re gonna get me fired,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? Your customer service is </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Curse you, really curse you-“ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yeonjun twirled around Soobin, circling him half a dozen times. Who stood still with a cardboard box in his hand, keeping an eye on the older one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The blond finished his jumping with a sudden kiss on Soobin’s cheek. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so pretty,” Yeonjun said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not, but I appreciate the compliment,” With Yeonjun out of his way, he continued with restocking the canned goods in his arm. In his periphery he saw the other one frown, like he really couldn’t believe his ears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re beautiful,” Yeonjun repeated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too, but you’re also annoying, I need to finish this before Mr. Han comes in.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even if Yeonjun wasn’t satisfied with this response, he trailed away after Soobin leaned down and pecked his lips. “Okay,” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without an ounce of regret he took a teen magazine from the rack and sat down on the chair Soobin had placed next to the door to the office, Yeonjun’s phone was on the ground charging, next to it. Enough to pass the time he guessed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He watched Soobin walk around the store, making sure the aisles were organized and stocked. He watched Soobin with admiration when he greeted customers, especially the casuals. The people Soobin greets with a bit more genuineness, a bit bigger smile. He snickered every time Soobin's voice raised an octave when speaking with feigned politeness. Yeonjun took great joy in teasing him because of it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“why do you never talk to me with that high voice, hmm? The one you talk to customers with?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because I actually like you,” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yeonjun hid behind the magazine he was reading, looking up every now and again; at Soobin. And every now and again he couldn’t help but giggle at him; the tall one probably didn’t even notice how he hums along to the music coming from the radio, how he cracks his fingers when he stops to </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> think, or how his eyebrows furrowed almost permanently when he handles a box that’s just a bit too heavy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After 25 minutes of silence, Yeonjun coughed to get his attention; he was both tired and bored. Both of which are his own fault really, it was really not necessary for him to show up at the store 45 minutes before Soobin quit his shift. He looked over at the other, who yawned, and concentrated on the paper in front of him, he was fiddling with a pen, spinning it around his fingers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was no reaction. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow he’s hot,” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>a reaction. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just a tilt of his head, though they sat a few meters away from each other Yeonjun could see how his eyes tried to see the page he was reading. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really hot,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who?” Soobin stood up, walked over to Yeonjun, and peeked over the magazine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yeonjun slammed the magazine down on his lap, “You are,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aish, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hyung,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you get jealous?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soobin pouted, rested on his right leg, back straight, and arms crossed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not answering that,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With grabby hands he waited for Soobin to lean down, which he did; albeit with a roll of his eyes. Soobin squeezed the blond's shoulders, bumped their foreheads together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soobin kissed him, and Yeonjun kissed him back. Both smiled into it, Soobin was only able to pull himself away after a minute. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay but honestly who was it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lee Dongwook,” Yeonjun turned over the magazine again, flipped up the page he was previously reading. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s hot,” Soobin smiled, walked to Yeonjun’s side instead, so he could see the big picture of him better. “His eyes are pretty,” The former said again, pointing at the page. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about mine?” Yeonjun fluttered with his eyelashes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Beautiful,” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He squeezed his cheeks, “so beautiful,” he repeated, Yeonjun answered by puckering his lips; Soobin tapped them with his index finger. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No kissing at work, I don’t want Mr. Han to walk in and see me </span>
  <em>
    <span>so unprofessional.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll tell him how amazing your customer service is, seriously!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soobin threw him a glance, sat down at the register again. Perfectly timed, who else but old Mr. Han came in just a few minutes later, hands behind his back and with the usual pondering face. He nodded good morning to both Yeonjun and Soobin, before entering the office and taking over for Soobin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When the clock struck 6:59 Soobin grabbed his jacket, Yeonjun </span>
  <em>
    <span>insisted </span>
  </em>
  <span>on helping him put it on, even if it was just a bad attempt at getting close. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His hands locked around Soobin’s waist, his smile was wide and smug. Soobin knew very well what he wanted, and couldn’t decide whether he was gonna give in or not. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On one hand, Soobin enjoyed teasing the other, but on the other hand, of course, he liked kissing too. So it was a hard situation, he really leaned towards teasing - pretend he didn’t understand at all what Yeonjun wanted. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Yeonjun’s eyes were too big, too pleading. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soobin acted like he really didn’t want to, rolling his eyes; but he gave in, if that’s what you could call it. It had been a bit like this since his sister's wedding when they kissed for the first time, neither one of them could really get enough. Always chasing that high of the first one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They kissed, a little more than a quick peck but a little bit less than...</span>
  <em>
    <span>eating each other up </span>
  </em>
  <span>in public, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you know? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have an umbrella Soobin-ssi?” Mr. Han asked, smiling from behind the register. “Forecast predicted rain.” His footsteps had been soundless and the door didn’t creak like it used to, which was a shame - because nothing warned the two that someone was about to catch them. (Or already had.) </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Panicked - Soobin and Yeonjun pulled themselves away from each other, The former put his hands on the other one’s shoulder, turned his head to Mr. Han. Instead of Soobin answering, Yeonjun quickly flashed a smile, “Don’t worry, I brought one for him,”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Glad someone is taking care of that boy,” He huffed, scratched himself in his beard. Neither Yeonjun nor Soobin could figure out if he actually spoke to them, or if it was to no one in particular. A thought that slipped out loud. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Have a nice day,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>They both shouted their goodbyes, before they left out of the door. The skies were grey, but Yeonjun could </span>
  <em>
    <span>at least</span>
  </em>
  <span> imagine the sun shining behind the clouds. It was like always, Yeonjun linked his hand with Soobin’s - Soobin squeezed it a little bit so Yeonjun </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> knew he loved it. The latter said something about Mr. Han, Soobin didn’t catch it - too distracted by the cars on the street next to him and the crowd of people pushing past them. Mr. Han was, despite his old and rather grumpy appearance, much more friendly than what Yeonjun expected him to be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of course, Soobin had talked about him a little bit - long before Yeonjun had his first real conversation with the store owner. He was (rightfully) skeptical of the blond at first, who - as time went on appeared more and more often in the morning when Mr. Han and Soobin switched shifts. Always sitting with a magazine in hand or playing on his phone, the old man believed at first it would become a problem - Soobin was one of his best workers, most trusted managers, it didn’t matter who the blond was, Mr. Han was afraid duties would be forgotten and sales would go down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>None of which were the case, nothing changed, except Soobin’s smile had gotten bigger and more genuine, he had someone who brought an umbrella and took care of him when needed, and Mr. Han had to change up and say good morning to two people instead of one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Coffee?” Soobin asked, dragging Yeonjun along with him - he could see the bus he took nearly every morning coming. Even though another one would arrive in ten minutes, he’d rather catch this one, with the group of students and the middle-aged man - whose suit still got tighter and tighter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhmn,” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They found seats in the back of the bus, though Soobin’s hands grew sweaty and fingers jittery he kept them tightly intertwined with Yeonjun. The older leaned in close and cleared his throat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay if you have to guess, where is she going?” He asked, and nodded towards a middle-aged woman four seats in front of them, the beginning of a game they had begun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm,” He looked at her, “Well her clothes are really formal and- professional. I think she’s like the CEO of some big company, and she's unhappily married, look how she’s twisting that ring around her finger.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You think she would ride the bus with us if she was a big CEO?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you know she’s one of those people who think they are in touch with the “common” people because they shop their own groceries.” Soobin nodded, absolutely sure of himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They laughed, maybe a bit too loud - the same lady they had talked about looked up from her phone and threw them a nasty glare. It read, almost exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>“it’s too early for this, I can’t deal with people being happy when I'm miserable,” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Yeonjun accidentally locked eyes with her, his hand shot up quickly to cover his laugh, before turning to Soobin; hush him down. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Shut up shut up, she’s looking at us,” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It took them a minute, but they both finally came to a stop - the situation wasn’t nearly as fun as one could think it was, but when you weren’t supposed to laugh - you really can’t stop. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yeonjun leaned into Soobin’s side a little bit, almost putting his head on his shoulder. They looked out the window, noticed the asphalt had turned a shade darker, noticed the droplets of rain hitting the window.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hushed, the older one whispered, for Soobin to hear and only him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m actually quite in love with you,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin looked away from the window, looked at Yeonjun instead. Into the light caramel eyes, full of a feeling that’s indescribable. But Soobin gets it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Huh, you couldn’t pick a more romantic spot to say this at, a packed bus on a Tuesday morning? No date by the Han river, or after a five-course meal?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin laughed back at him, tilting his head back a bit. </span>
</p>
<p><span>“I’ll take it back, you’re insufferable, if I had known this I wouldn’t even have paid attention to you that first time I saw you,”</span> <span>Yeonjun huffed and turned his head away from Soobin, pretending to not be interested in him at all. </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soobin’s eyes widened a bit though, “Ah by the way, maybe you don’t remember...but the first time you were at the store, you know? Did you want to ask me something? I’ve been curious for months.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh...oh,” Yeonjun’s smile spread, “I was gonna ask if it hurt when you fell from heaven.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The smile was unbearable, really, his face all too proud. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When they got out of the bus, Soobin opened the umbrella above them. Made sure Yeonjun didn’t get his leather jacket wet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With the rain splattering against the fabric of the umbrella, the street clearing, and the flattering and warm hue of lights being turned on inside the shops on the street they were walking on; Soobin deemed this perfect, </span>
  <em>
    <span>meh, </span>
  </em>
  <span>more or less at least. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeonjunie- if you didn’t know - I really have fallen for you too. So hard.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The blond looked right and left, then up at Soobin. Fast as lighting, he placed a wet kiss on his cheek, leaving a vibrant mark from his red-stained lips. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so in love with me you look stupid,” he laughed, sprinted away from Soobin and the umbrella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Your jacket,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin shouted after him, he had read in one of the fashion magazines at work that leather shouldn’t be exposed to water, something like that at least.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soobin sprinted after him, trying his best not to run into people on the way. He followed the melodic sound of Yeonjun’s laughter - 10 or 15 meters in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older was right, he looked so stupid right now - running after someone he was completely head over heels in love with. But it was okay, because he knew he would catch him later. They would be so out of breath and annoyingly sweaty, the older would award him with a kiss and laughter, and it would </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>be worth it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So worth it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>dropping both this chapter and epilogue at the same time, but feel free to see this as the final chapter if you like, as the epilogue doesn't contribute much to the plot. </p>
<p>hope you liked this,<br/>thank you a lot for reading, srsly, kudos are always greatly appreciated, leave any constructive criticism or advice you might have, or just comment if you just liked it, ill be happy with anything &lt;3</p>
<p>(more notes after the epilogue)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>like 85% dialogue lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Three knocks, then a pause, then two more. Soobin turned around on the couch. He opened his mouth to ask the blond next to him if he had ordered food in secret, when the blond interrupted him;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you expecting company?” He asked, just as dumbfounded as Soobin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No-“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another series of knocks came. Soobin hurried to stand up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the peep-hole of his door; he spotted not one, not two, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>all three </span>
  </em>
  <span>of his siblings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck are you guys doing here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door flung open, Siyeon had almost been standing face into the door; she stumbled when it opened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t call,” Soogeun said, like it explained everything and a little bit more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you mean after the wedding </span>
  <em>
    <span>three </span>
  </em>
  <span>months ago, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes I did.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you haven’t called enough,” He defended, and took a step into the apartment, more or less uninvited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just missed you and we were passing by,” Shinhye smiled, glanced around the apartment, it was her first time here. It was the first time for all of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Siyeon lives on Jeju…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And your wonderful big sister still happened to pass by because she loves you so much,” Siyeon pinched his cheek and blew him raspberries. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soogeun dropped his bag to the floor, Shinhye dragged her finger over a shelf to see if it was dusty or not (it was). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>During all of this commotion, even Yeonjun had carefully stood up; nervously he bowed. ”I thought you didn’t expect company?” The blond asked and looked over at Soobin, who was equally as confused. When Soogeun spotted him he tsked, as if satisfied. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I wasn’t,”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soobin mumbled, but it was unclear if </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>heard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perfect you are here!” He said, pointed at Yeonjun. The latter’s mouth formed into the shape of an ‘o’. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Me?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All the way from the kitchen to the living room (which in reality was probably less than five or six meters) Soogeun dragged along the nearest chair he could find. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spun it around, a full 180°, sat down on it with the backrest against his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s your name?” Soogeun asked, eyes squinted and judging. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was rightfully confused, they had already met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, Choi Yeonjun.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin asked what Soogeun was doing, but the brother seemed to ignore what he said, entirely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How old are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“23,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh he’s the same age as you Siyeon, did you know that? </span>
  <em>
    <span>No?  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Suspicious. What do you do Yeonjun, if that’s your real name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You already know all of this hyung,” Soobin said, didn’t know if he should look at the one sister snooping around the living room; looking underneath books and stuff as if he’s hiding something, at the one in the kitchen taking dishes from the rack and placing them in the right cupboards. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Shinhye please-” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He took a step towards her, but remembered his brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-well and I minor in fashion and I really like media marketing too, other than that I really don’t do anything.” Yeonjun glanced at Soobin, nervous laughter sitting in his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>1, 2, 3, 4, 5- Soobin began to count in his head, he was about to explode - unsure which sibling to stop first. Which one is more stubborn? Soogeun, okay, so him last - Soobin thought, deal with the easy ones first. “Siyeon, I haven’t dug down a treasure I promise,” He ushered her away from his bedroom door, curious of the remaining apartment. She mumbled something about just wanting to look, but having been told once, she sighed and sat down on one of the chairs by the table. “And Shinhye, you have been here for 3 minutes, what are you doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just cleaning up a little,” She said, with the same voice their mother would, now that she stands upright with a glass in one hand and a coffee mug in the other - the resemblance between them is uncanny. He sighs and closes his eyes and only opens them after counting to five in his head again. “Okay okay, I’ll stop!” She raised her hands in defeat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So to the last one, </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-what did you say your position used to be?” Soogeun stroked a nonexistent beard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Centerforward,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, nice, very good, did you know my position is centerforward too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you told me,” Yeonjun’s lips were set in a smile, but his eyes were flickering between Soobin and his three siblings. (He realized as he did this, how strikingly similar they all are, with jetblack hair and dark eyes, the sisters seem to share two identical pairs of lush lips and slender faces, while Soobin and his brother have the same droopy nose.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s as if the siblings are sitting judges, about to either send him for a lifetime in jail or let him live the rest of his life as a free man. Shinhye seemed the nicest, and is also the one Yeonjun has talked to the least, which is why he’s nervous of being under her surveillance. Siyeon sat back and watched them, she seemed to enjoy it a bit, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soogeun...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Honestly, Yeonjun couldn’t even begin to explain what Soogeun was doing. Questioning him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good position, centerforward men are to be trusted.” Soogeun said, continued to ponder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Siyeon laughed, “you’re just complimenting yourself at this point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yah, what are you coming at me for?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They bickered back and forth for a while, in the meantime Soobin stood in disbelief, watched as his older siblings were fighting in...his apartment? Yeonjun was still sitting with red cheeks, awkward with his back straight and lips pressed together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soogeun shot up from where he sat, held his index finger in the air, “Now, one last question,” He cleared his throat, Yeonjun sucked in a breath - prepared for the worst, this must be the worst one if he saved it to last. “Since you know fashion, do you think this color fits me?” He stretched the bottom of his shirt, “My girlfriend thinks salmon washes me out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room turned silent, then Siyeon let out a laugh from behind her hand, Soobin sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, it doesn’t look bad, but you probably suit in dark colors better, like dark green and navy. Like Soobin,” Yeonjun chuckled a little, Soobin could see him fight back the urge to bite his nails, like he did when nervous. Soogeun took a </span>
  <em>
    <span>loooong</span>
  </em>
  <span> look at Yeonjun, before he slapped his thighs and stood up with a huff. “I like you. We should order food, I’ll treat everyone,” He said, changing the subject after a mere seconds. Yeonjun sat surprised on the couch, quiet and still flushed pink from the previous attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin didn’t know what to do really, his brother had already dragged the chair back to its place, he and Siyeon was in the middle of ordering food off his phone, pointing on the screen every now and again and mumbling “oh’s” and “ah’s” at the pictures. It wasn’t that he didn’t want them here, but he also didn’t really want them here, he and Yeonjun had a movie night planned out. Three movies picked out, now forgotten. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quietly Soobin and Yeonjun slipped out on the french balcony, it wasn’t big, frankly half of Yeonjun’s body was still inside. But it was more than enough for Soobin’s body to hang over the railing; it really didn’t matter how much his landlord loved him, if she found out any smoke had gotten inside the apartment, she’d hit him over the head with a wooden spoon a hundred times over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Soobin muttered, to the older, “I really don’t know why they are here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize,” Yeonjun began to say, but the shadow of Shinhye’s appeared in his periphery, having lost his train of thought he left the brother and sister to talk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello dear,” She smiled at Soobin, fiddled with the tips of her fingers, wrinkly and raisin like, even if Soobin told her not to - she felt the need to clean his dishes and had spent the last ten minutes doing just that. If their mother was here, she would have done the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” He put out the cigarette butt on the railing and flicked it into the air. It fell towards the ground below them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Food will be here in a while, you and Yeonjun will eat with us right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin laughed, “You guys are in my apartment, if we aren’t with you where else would we go?” He then cleared his throat.  “Seriously, what </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>you guys doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Siyeon-ah is having a meeting with an old friend from school that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>also</span>
  </em>
  <span> a work thing, I’m not sure, and Soogeun and his girlfriend were supposed to come to Seoul next week anyways so we all decided to surprise you.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Don’t get me wrong, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>why?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not supposed to say,” Shinhye chuckled a little, tucked her hair behind her ears. “But you know that Soogeun has always been pretty...protective. When I started dating Hyunsik, and it was serious, Soogeun would stay up every day until I came home after a date and if Hyunsik followed me up the door Soogeun would open it before I could even get a kiss. It was the same with Siyeon, I think Soogeun terrified half of the boys she met with in high school and college to death.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin waited, pretending he didn’t know where Shinhye was going with the conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At the wedding he let his guard down, ‘cause he didn’t know about you two. He thinks he needs to make up for it now, even if you are grown and stuff and it doesn’t matter, but he wanted to make sure Yeonjun is a nice guy,” Shinhye’s smile was wide, like it was when she spoke of people she loved, she understood that Soogeun is stupid, in the best ways possible. She sighed a little and gazed down on the street below them, even if it was hard for the two of them to fit together on the balcony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a really nice guy,” Soobin assured, turned his head around and watched the blond (not so much longer, his roots were growing out fast) talk to Siyeon and Soogeun, the three of them laughed at something one of them said. “Really,” Soobin repeated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I can tell,” She said, patted Soobin’s back. “And...um, I’m sorry mom and dad haven’t been more, you know, supportive.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay...I think they were...mostly surprised. Mom’s still a bit mad because I was rude to her and didn’t want to date the girl they tried to set me up with but I don’t think she has a problem with Yeonjun when it actually comes down to it, and um...dad actually called the other week.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shinhye looked at him surprised, mouth in the shape of an ‘o’. She mumbled out a “Seriously?” and Soobin nodded, lips curled up in a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, tried to ask without asking if I was still dating Yeonjun. You know? In that nonchalant way? ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>The blond, what’s his name? Yeonjung? Yeongjun? You are still...acquainted?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ah I can’t believe him.” Soobin laughed and stared at the buildings surrounding them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tall and littered with stores and apartments lit up by warm hues from bright lights and scattered streetlights. Many people walked the street, chatting with loud voices and clear laughter. From inside the apartment laughter roared too, Soobin had probably never seen his brother so satisfied, and Yeonjun seemed to fit in well with his brother and sister. Maybe it wasn’t so bad they came by, filled the apartment with a little bit of life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Foods here!” Siyeon shouted at Soobin and Shinhye, who both turned around. The three inside carried bags of food to the table, placing out plates and glasses for everyone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin sat down by a chair, Yeonjun seated himself closely next to him. Rested his arms around Soobin’s shoulder and tried, after just four glasses of soju, to feed him. Actually succeeding after a few failed tries. “Hmn hyung?” Soobin whispered, to which Yeonjun hummed. “Not that it matters, but my brother approves of you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both laughed loudly, and the three remaining looked over at them, with mouths stuffed with food. They didn’t hear what the other two said, curious now that it produced such laughter. It wasn’t that it was actually funny, well, a little bit maybe Soobin thought. In reality, he was actually ashamed of how relieved he was that Soogeun </span>
  <em>
    <span>approved </span>
  </em>
  <span>of Yeonjun. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“He likes you! He does! I know it doesn’t matter, but he likes you!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The apartment filled with loud conversations, every single one of them in there end up with rosy cheeks and blurry visions, Soobin complained over the amount of dishes he had to get done the day after, Shinhye immediately replied, worried and apologetic that she can take care of it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Stop it! I’ll fix it!”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had to assure. </span>
  <span>Yeonjun and Soogeun ended up in a heated argument over a soccer tournament from years ago, Soobin sat content behind Yeonjun listening. Playing with the hem of his shirt, snickering to what they sat. <em>"No you don't get it! That goal should have never been counted, thus ending the game in a tie, and then they'd lose to penalty kicks!"  </em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A stolen wine bottle from Soobin’s very small cupboard of alcohol was opened by the two sisters, who didn’t care at all about the conversation the other three were in. They talked amongst themselves instead, trying to get Soobin to chime in with his own opinions, many Soobin just replied a “yes” to, caring about what they said just as much as he cared about what Soogeun and Yeonjun said - not at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With everyone in the same room like this, it might be one of the very few times since his childhood Soobin felt like an equal to his siblings. If it makes sense, they don’t really see him as the troubled younger brother nor the black sheep of the family. They act like real family, or like close friends. They have begun to understand the strange language in the book that is Soobin, albeit slow and only a word here and there. The latter prefers this though, over anything in the world. Though there is still a missing presence of two family members, Soobin could look past that, he could hope the empty space of a quick witted and short-tempered mother, and a lanky, tall and reserved father, would fill soon. But right now, Soobin felt so content, so warm and loved, it was okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin stared at Yeonjun, they shared a quick kiss and smiled at each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt an awful lot like a real home, which is exactly what you need in a city like Seoul. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A convenience store around the corner of your house, there to give you the impression of familiarity. An apartment filled to the roof with laughter, nonsensical conversations and siblings, there to annoy their youngest brother like they did when they were all preteens and stupid. Someone with blond hair and light brown eyes, there to make sure every place on earth with the love of his life feels like </span>
  <em>
    <span>home. </span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>what can I say huh? this au has really been a ride for me (feels like i say this after every au i write though), I've been going thru a small writers block, and like with many of my other aus, there was a point when i kinda just wanted to give this up, it wasn't good enough, not worth the energy, etc etc. but! now I'm done, and I'm always proud of myself for finishing stuff, so that's a positive note at least, i guess. </p><p>so yeah, this was the epilogue, zero to no plot, like 3/4 of this is dialogue, but you know what? that's okay. this was supposed to be light and i wanted the epilogue to just be, happy, its what we deserve lol. btw i hope this was readable, i am atm very tired</p><p>thank u thank u for reading, and as always, if you liked this, kudos and comments always make me feel appreciated, and helps me know what you guys like and not :) &lt;3</p><p>stay safe and ill see u next time. </p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/hopeonmydick">twitter</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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